Thursday, June 30, 2011

Summer Slacker

I know I am slacking off on my posts. I have been messing around in Photoshop and tagging people in my photos on Facebook. Yep that is my daily activities. Facebook sucked me in and then spit me back out and half the time I don't really know why I am there other than to be nosing around in other peoples business.

You know it's Facebook's fault for being nosy. Like I can understand the idea behind wanting to catch up with friends and staying in contact with them but what happens when you have caught up with them? It's like that awkward phone conversation you have with someone once what you have said or needed to say is done been said there really isn't anything else to say. Ya know?

I am really famous for leaving conversations when no more conversation is to be had. I just click the x in the box and the thing disappears. Or I don't post on that person's wall.

What really drives me nuts anymore is how to leave a conversation. I am talking about ones on Facebook. I think people really have no clue how to end conversations and I see bunches of conversations just hanging without a close. Including my own posts so its not like I am picking on certain people.. or maybe I am. I don't know. Anyway I don't think we realize when we post on a person's wall that we should end the conversation.
When we are actually real time talking like in the little private chat box we can say ttyl or ttfn and pick up where we left off right? But what about those times when you post on someone's wall and you expect an answer back and then just random people jump in and start commenting. I mean it is never ending. You don't see a close and I am not sure that there was meant to be a close but I think there should be just to know that the conversation has ended. Then if the comments become convoluted there is no way that it could just end because you don't know where to end it.

Ok now I know I am rambling. I guess that is what happens at 1:30 a.m. when I need to go to bed. So I guess that this also applies to some blogs like mine. Other people have a catch phrase and I am still trying to come up with mine. One day I will have a catch phrase that will either make you think, make you laugh or just totally confuse you.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

It was gonna EAT ME... TRUE STORY

Today was the best day ever up until 11:30 tonight where Cuddles decides to catch a fat little mouse.

Just for a min I have to veer off in a different direction. I was on a soap box today because I swear Oh Noa likes to bring out my evil and warped ways.. but its a good thing because then I don't dangerously explode on people later. Which would only be fair since I deal with their stupidity.. Anyway I was having a fairly decent soap boxy day. It was fantastic. Until the creatures went berserk.

And a Fucking bug decided to try to eat me too!!! I am not making this shit up.. it just happens to me.

Anyway so there was a time when I was cooking dinner (which I don't do anymore for other reasons) and I was making grilled cheese sandwich's when I felt something bump my big toe. Thinking maybe I dropped something like a piece of unspreadable butter I look down and that was it I threw the bread and knife loaded with said butter and ran screaming from the room because this little mouse had its mouth open ready to EAT ME. I jumped from the top stair of my dining room to my drop living room and jumped into my husband's lap in his recliner. (true story) I had an old afghan that was draped on the chair and when I finally was able to tell him what the deal was he busted a gut laughing and said in his most evil of tones that even if it was chasing me to eat me it could climb the afghan. I don't know what happened to the afghan after that I think it hit the trash the next day.

Anyway fast forward to February or March of this year where Slade decides to ask me for a baby picture for a school project. I go digging in my stash of photo albums for this picture when I am shoulder deep in a box this mouse comes racing up my arm and goes for my neck! I swear to GOD if it was October I would swear it was a vampire mouse. As it was it scratched my neck and left marks... only I was too freaked out to get pictures. Slade is cackling at me and tell me it will be ok.. NO IT WON'T BE OK... NOT COOL. I am such a girl. I had huge tears rolling down my neck I don't know how I got the mouse away from me and I don't care where it went and I hope to HELL that it was just as freaked as I was.

Then between then and now a series of unfortunate events befalls these little creatures due to my cats. I love cats because they are the mouse disposal team! YAY for cats. Anyway so we thought the mouse situation was pretty much terminated until tonight when Cuddles (who isn't so cuddly) catches a fat mouse right next to the recliner which was unbeknownst to me because she never comes near me so I don't pay attention to her. This mouse was on a mission to EAT ME. I am not shitting you. He/it was almost as big around as a golf ball that is how fat he/it was. He/it could have been mistaken for a furry jumbo bounce ball. *SHUDDER*

And because my cats like to play with their food (yes even their regular old protein cat food) Cuddles was doing a sort of fisherman action of Catch and Release. This set me and Jessie off.. each time she released the mouse it ran towards us and we would screech then Cuddles would have the mouse again. I am just like EAT it already!! So then she decides sit by my chair and do a half crouch half I don't know some weird thing where the back end of the mouse is in her mouth and start chew it like its bubble gum. This little creature is mute or in shock I suppose at being eaten alive. Karma is a bitch huh? and while Cuddles is munching away you hear bones crunching. EWWWWWW just eat it and get it over with. This is the entire conversation I had with Joe while this was all going on:


tinamariewitt1103: OMG
tinamariewitt1103: evil creature was gonna eat me!!
qoraQ .puqloD: ?
tinamariewitt1103: MOUSE
tinamariewitt1103: It was gonna climb my chair
tinamariewitt1103: the cat snatched it
tinamariewitt1103: omg
tinamariewitt1103: :(
tinamariewitt1103: she catches and releases
qoraQ .puqloD: Oh hun it will be ok.  the cats are doing their job
tinamariewitt1103: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
tinamariewitt1103: :((
qoraQ .puqloD: is ok babe
tinamariewitt1103: NOOOOOOOOOOOO it ran towards my chair
qoraQ .puqloD: ohhh
tinamariewitt1103: and she is eating it tail first.. its still alive
qoraQ .puqloD: eewwww
tinamariewitt1103: talk about torture
qoraQ .puqloD: So is that more Klingonesque for you?  lol
tinamariewitt1103: yes
qoraQ .puqloD: cool
tinamariewitt1103: SAVE ME
tinamariewitt1103: omg.. its over
qoraQ .puqloD: Kitty dinner now huh?
tinamariewitt1103: no she totally consumed it
qoraQ .puqloD: that's what I meant
tinamariewitt1103: yes
qoraQ .puqloD: good.
qoraQ .puqloD: must have been a small one
tinamariewitt1103: did you like the vid?
tinamariewitt1103: no it was a fat fucker
tinamariewitt1103: coming to eat me
qoraQ .puqloD: it was....interesting.
qoraQ .puqloD: lol no it wasn't
tinamariewitt1103: yes it was
qoraQ .puqloD: I would bet it was just trying to hide from the furballs
tinamariewitt1103: Goddamn cats better step up their game if they are getting that close to me
tinamariewitt1103: :D
tinamariewitt1103: sorry but that just grosses me out..
qoraQ .puqloD: I know babe
tinamariewitt1103: anyway you probably should get to bed... and I am gonna use that last part about the mouse to blog
tinamariewitt1103: ewww.. mouse flavored milk

The mouse flavored milk was after 2 of Cuddles' demon spawn decided to nurse on her after she ate the mouse.

Then not 5 minutes later after the kids except Jessie goes to bed A flying something decided to appear dive bombing me. Jessie and I had just had a scream-fest and this thing I swear was gonna EAT ME too. It had many legs and wings and it was rubbing its legs together like a cricket or something but to me it looked like it was making new plans to invade my space. So here I am screaming and paralyzed in fear of this 1 inch bug (yea I am a huge dork and sissy when it comes to mice and bugs) So I am screaming at the top of my lungs at Kenny to kill it because it was gonna get me. Jessie was screaming but wanted to be brave and try to smash it before her dad came out and I told her NO she would either miss and make it mad, or hit it and fling it on me or in my tea. So then Kenny comes out takes his ball cap and tries to hit it and it takes off only to dive bomb Jessie and fly out the kitchen window.

Finally Kenny says "Can a guy go to bed without all the screaming?" I said maybe it depended on how many other animals decided to want to terrorize me tonight. And he should know my rules for not going to bed before midnight. That is when the nightmares come.

Anyway that was the extent of my night not including the Facebook post of being on the ceiling. But if you friended me or are already a friend of mine on Facebook you can read it on my profile.

I am not explaining the Sugar comment. Ask Kenny. It's his story. Real men don't melt in water.

I bet you all have had terrifying experiences like mine that may end up as hilarity for others. Go ahead share with the rest of us so we can commiserate. I wanna know your story.

Friday, June 17, 2011

I can cook... Honestly

It's summertime and I have been slacking off my duties as a cook. We eat.. I come up with ideas for dinner but I don't actually stand in front of the stove and cook. Unless its something only I can make, like Manicotti. Which my family loves and won't stop gorging themselves on. But we haven't had the cash to get the ingredients I need to make that dish ... you know because living paycheck to paycheck really sucks.

Anyway so today I decide I am gonna make stew. Of all the days I get to cook (physically) I get criticized. Now mind you most of my ideas work and that is usually what we end up eating. Besides that criticism doesn't usually bother me but for some reason today really irked me. I put some tomato juice in the crock pot and proceeded to brown some deer meat that I had pre-cubed and then put in the crock pot. I added my spices and let it simmer.

So I am gonna make this the last meal I cook. I will even quit suggesting things to make because GOD FORBID it doesn't sound good to eat.

I had the following conversation with my husband about the stew that isn't stew.
Me: How does that taste?
Him: What is it?
Me: Stew.
Him: That's not stew.
Me: Yes it is.
Him: You don't put tomato juice in stew.
Me: Tell that to Bill (my Stepdad)
Him: You don't put tomato juice in stew.
Me: Yes you can.
Him: Whatever. It tastes ok.

I told him forget it at least I thought about dinner and decided to get something going so we didn't have to have oatmeal again. He keeps arguing with me about what you use for stew and he keeps insisting it has to be gravy. Sorry but I am using the resources I have and HE KNOWS I don't do gravy.. I can't make it and it always ends badly.. usually with a scorched pot! Anyway I have a few more ingredients to add to it like onion, green beans and corn. Again this may not be the way you make stew but with the limited resources I have, its lucky to even resemble something worth eating.

Honestly I am a good cook. I may not be a gourmet chef but my kids will always have something to eat even if its crackers and cheese.

Then he tells me lighten up lady because he was picking on me.. of all the things to be picking on me for... I told him he is not allowed to pick on me about any of my household duties including cooking when I do decided to physically stand in front of the stove to cook.. I also thought about making fry bread to go with our stew but now I realize that I am in no mood to make fry bread.

Think what you want but if I had the ingredients to make things I see in magazines I would. Because I am that good.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Tattoos are kid friendly

I was sitting cruising the internet looking for my next tattoo. Something small something that I could afford come next pay check. Provided someone wants to spoil me that is.

Anyway so I am on a kick of finding my astrological sign that I actually like. I did find it but if I took it in to see the artist they probably wouldn't do it because of the way it looks. I mean it was already tattooed to a person and the angle that the camera caught you can't see the right claw. Here is the picture :
Isn't that awesome? I planned to have it tattooed to my left calf muscle. I am excited but you can see my issue with it right? The tattoo artist has to stencil it to your skin and then just basically trace the lines. (I knew tracing in grade school would come in handy!) Obviously this isn't gonna be small by any means and as for detail.. well I am expecting to spend no more than 200.00 on this tattoo. However I can re-size it and put it where I want it with no troubles.

So as a right of passage I guess...(my youngest brother was 16 when he got his first tattoo) my children want to have a tattoo for their 16th birthday. I told them we would see. Obviously the tattoo artist will have me sign a waiver etc.. I am completely cool that my kids want to tattoo their bodies. I was even gonna talk my own mother into getting a tattoo.. (for those that know my mom that is gonna be a huge feat to accomplish!) Anyway I was gonna suggest to her matching tattoos..My middle brother is sporting 10 tattoos currently and I am sporting 2. I want so much more because I like artwork I am not sure why my brother does it.. probably because he likes the pain.. ok I like the pain too.. so anyway I don't plan on ending up with every inch of skin tattooed.

So I asked my kids (except Slade) what they wanted for their tattoo. Jessie is Pisces and we found a few designs she likes, like this one:
Pretty cool right? No one said Pisces had to be fish.. it could be mermaids..So then Skye who is 8 said he wants a transformer. I told him that because he is 8 now, in 8 more years he has a chance to change his mind. But if that is what he wants when he is that age then we will see about doing it. He said he wanted Optimus Prime as the tattoo. Lala my 7 year old has 9 more years to think about her tattoo provided she still wants to do it then, has decided she wants her astrological sign as well. She is Aquarius and we looked through all of them that Yahoo! provided us with and her choice settled on this:
She wants the full body one.. (Yes I know that is painted on, but far be it for me to tell her that.) I have to be honest I am not getting them a full body tattoo so maybe something small like the middle picture next to the full body paint. We are still looking for something that fits her personality.

So in the meantime the kids will sport temporary tattoos while thinking of that magical time where I plan to take them in for their first tattoo.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

POKEBALL I choose YOU!!!!!

For shits and giggles I decided to cruise the internet. Specifically Eden Fantasy's and looked at their toys. I favorited a few and decided I should make a wish list.

Upon making this wishlist I came across this: I call it the poke ball. Eden Fantasy's calls it a pleasure ball. And all the while I am calling this thing a poke ball I am trying to imagine what kind of creature might live inside it. Maybe Squirtle?

Then I got to thinking about all the names this thing could be called or what it could be inside and this is my list:

How about a tentacool? Eden Fanatasy's has those too look here. I can just imagine opening that ball up and a blue octopus tentacle slithers out.

How about we call this little ball a voltorb after the aptly named creature that delivers that low shock to tingle your flesh while maintaining its ball shape?

How about we call this ball electabuzz where we know that its rechargeable?

What ever you decide to call it I am sure it will be able to jigglypuff your wigglytuff and make you tingle in all sorts of places.

POKE BALL I choose YOU!!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Sunday Volleyball ballet and Summer time activities

Sunday we went to our friends house. This being one of the first weekends where we all had the time to get together and do fun summer activities.

For those that know me, you know I am not an active person. I don't run or jump and I don't chase balls. So what did we do? We played volleyball. Yep volleyball. Jessie and I wore flip flops (which I  remember were called thongs once upon a time.) So about the second game I decide to go bare foot because I figured that was better than twisting my damn ankle and sitting in the 9th level of hell (the hospital or one stop band-aid shop) only to have a doctor tell me to soak it and put it on ice while keeping it elevated. So yea I didn't twist my ankle. I got those nasty sticky little things that come from the trees that kinda look like tiny bananas stuck to the bottoms of my feet. So here we are with our demented friends playing volleyball three on three. My husband, Jessie and I with Helen, Larry and their oldest son Michael. We played 6 games which the last three were a complete slaughter. It was guys vs girls. We sucked!! We had a few good hits and the ball volleyed back and forth for a good 30 seconds. Yea we were that good. It also didn't matter what side we were on but it seemed like all of us at some point could have been ballerinas.

But because the volleyball kit didn't include boundary lines we had to make up our own and that was a trip. Jessie used her flip flops to mark the boundary line for our court and at one point the ball landed between the flip flops. I wasn't paying attention to where the ball went and the next thing I know someone announced that it went between the thongs. All of the adults were already in sick state of mind and busted a gut laughing and embarrassed Jessie who turned 3 shades red as you can well imagine she was the one to have called them thongs instead of flip flops. Which then brought on the gutter state of mind and we all out were calling each other names. Michael yelled PENIS just as his mom served the ball rendering it a net ball because she was laughing so hard. I couldn't help but think about being back in high school where in health class we all giggled at the names of genitalia.

After 2 Smirnoff's I was done playing. We had barbecued pork chops, peas, ramen noodles and jello for dinner. I was sitting at the computer trying to figure out why the wireless card  that looks like a USB flash drive wasn't working and come to the brilliant conclusion that whatever virus had infiltrated the computer via Facebook when it was having issues was what the problem was.So the plan is next weekend I will continue downloading their music and finish backing up their files they want to save and then blast the computer back to factory. (which sounds much cooler than it really is)

Needless to say Sunday was pretty good and I never want to push myself that hard again. It hurts!

We left the kids with our friends for the night because we figured since we had to go back to town we would just pick them up after I was done with putting in job applications. So we came home and crashed.

MONDAY MORNING...

I ended up sleeping in. I don't think I even moved after going to sleep but I felt it this morning. I was sore all over. I commented to my husband that I wanted to start working out and getting in better shape, eating better etc.. but I didn't recall wanting a crash course my first day of being active. Hell I thought I was going to be working at this gradually like start walking a mile and going up from there. Anyway my crash course was 6 games of volleyball.

I got dressed this morning in the equivalency of a monkey suit just to go pick up applications. So then after my running around, we picked up the kids. Skye pipes up and said let's play volleyball and I am like are you insane? I am wearing a skirt and sandals that were pinching my feet. No way was I playing volleyball in my "nice" clothes, not to mention I am dead tired. If it weren't for make up I would look like a Zombie. So before we left Helen was babysitting three kids a 4 yr old, 2 yr old and a 4 month old and come to find out the 4 year old was annoying my 7 and 8 year old. Which is highly funny to me because now they get to know what they do to me on a regular basis. They were not impressed. I got the are you kidding me look. I will cherish that forever because now they know how they make me feel some days.

Don't get me wrong my kids are my world but there are days where they drive me nuts and all I want to do is lock myself in my room and put my headphones in my ears and let them kill each other.

Oh well here's to a good weekend and the rest of my summer.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Wrong side of life (at least just for the day)

I have been in a piss ass attitude all day. I am not entirely sure why. It's possible that in my dreams I got angry about something and got up that way or maybe it was because I was angry when I went to bed. I have a bad habit of whining when I don't feel good or hurt and last night I felt like a 2 year old. And like a 2 year old I managed to snap at my husband who innocently enough asked if I was gonna read my book. (sorry didn't mean to be vexed with you). So when I woke up this morning I couldn't remember any of my dream which could have been a nightmare for all that it mattered. It seems lately that I am only allowed to remember my nightmares so figure that out.

I felt so terrible even my hair hurt. Every time I brushed my tangled mess it was like a thousand tiny screams were being rent through the air. I am pretty sure my hair has a mind of its own because less than ten mins later it was back to sporting a huge knot. I guess that is what I get for trying to tame it and having thick hair to begin with.( It's from my dad's side of the family.)

So to cheer my unhappy ass up I decided to try and blog and all that would pour forth from my brittle fingernail tips was depressing bullshit.. like stuff about Kevorkian and other equally controversial stuff. I was in no mood to fight with complete strangers on my views and perspective of things. So I said fuck it and decided to not blog at all.

All day today I felt that I needed to do something to get me out of this funk and still nothing happened. I guess I could have done laundry but that is just as depressing especially while you watch your 15 year old throw all her clothes out into the hallway making it look like her room threw up. Did I mention I hate fucking laundry?

Ok I hate all household chores and if I can have a wish I would wish that everything was done all the time. That way I wouldn't have to do anything but create awesome funny shit and play with my kids before they decide mom isn't fun to be around anymore. Sometimes I wish I could blink and things would just be perfect or maybe wriggle my nose like Sam from Bewitched and again things would be done.

Well as of 2 days now I have been writing again. I started a story back in high school and have decided to upgrade it from a short story to a novel (or at least something longer than a short story or novella) and flesh out my characters. Blogging has helped me continue to write. Someone told me once to just keep writing and eventually I will strike gold and have a masterpiece. The only bad part is the trial and error I have to do to get to perfection or as close to perfection as I can.

I figured out why I am suffering migraines. I blame the weather and lack of caffeine in my system. Basically I have decided to change my diet and instead of completely going cold turkey by taking pop/soda out of my daily calorie intake I have dropped it down to about 1-2 cans a day. I also drink tea but that doesn't count because it doesn't have carbonation. So anyway I have started making plans to monitor how much I eat and how much I make (because I can cook for an army, or I am Italian and its in my genes.).  There is a saying that if you don't like the weather just wait five mins and it will change. One week we have rain/snow/sleet/hail and then next week we have temperatures that make us think we should go to the lake. But we know better because that shit will be freezing and what kind of lake experience is that?

Well I am hoping that my funny  comes back because dammit I miss it. Maybe I should stop listening to Alt Rock? Nahhh because that shit is fantastic. So far my favorite songs so far are Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica featuring Brent the man has a sexy voice.  Hollywood Undead is my other favorite and pretty much anything they rap is amazing. It has also helped me to focus on my writing so no I can't stop listening to Alt Rock.

I thought about pulling a Peter Griffin by doing a segment of You know what Grinds my Gears? But decided against it. Some of them won't be long enough and I know that I couldn't keep up with it all the time so screw it. I might just do it once a week and see where it takes me.

And its about an hour after midnight here which means I can go to bed nightmare free. So off I go and here's to hoping that I end up in a better mood. I mean its the weekend.. its supposed to be fun.. Right?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Christian Brothers and Coke

Or as my husband says he was having a religious moment.

So he had an Eagles meeting and apparently they inducted a new member. And of all the people he was drinking with was his brother and a few other members. Now don't get me wrong he is free, white, living in America and over the age of 21. But this by no means makes him responsible especially when he is inebriated.

Ok so he comes home its later than when he usually gets home. He scarfs down dinner and takes off for bed. I had some personal business to do and then I ended up tripping on the shop vac.. that's a whole other story. So anyway I trip on it in the dark because It was his idea and cussed him out for not getting the damn thing put up.

I hollered for my stepdaughter to put dinner away and found she was in talking to her dad which infuriated me more because she was supposed to be in bed anyway.  I said "Oh I see how it is you will talk to her but you fucking bypass me." She scrambles to go put dinner away and all he could say was "Wow". In the mean time I am still grumbling about how I had things I needed to talk to him about and he is in bed, with a bucket next to the bed. In my mind all I know I am gonna hear IF he throws up is his noises when he does. It's almost as bad as his hacking up his lungs in the morning.. talk about rude awakening.

So I sat next to him on the bed telling him I would need his paystubs to reinstate our commodities and then outlined my day for tomorrow. So he couldn't come back and say I never told him. So then we got on the subject of texting and that he was drunk texting me and because Yahoo seems to be glitching I couldn't prove to him he was drunk texting until we looked at his cell. So I called him on it because earlier before he became buzzed he texted me that he paid a bill and told me in the text a certain amount and then after he became drunk and was talking to me about it was another amount. So I called him on it and he scrolled through the texts found the drunk text AND the text that told me the amount of what he put on the bill which he later amended should have been the higher amount. Either way it got paid which helped.

I was already in a bad mood because someone (probably that NOT ME kid) took off with my calculator and I don't know when that happened but it always occurs right before I need something. So low and behold I need my calculator and its missing. So I told my husband I needed a new one and he said I suppose it needs to be scientific I said yea and he said ok and I told him that it needed to be pink and have a function to graph and have a USB cable.. he said wait a min I didn't sign up for that.

Anyway so after we looked at the cell phone texts I proceeded to ask him how much he had to drink and he said that I wouldn't want to know which means he is either right at the legal drinking limit or slightly passed it. I wasn't letting this one go because he drove 13 miles home this way and COULD  have been pulled over for something stupid as a broken taillight (not that it was or anything but the cops around here are just that nitpicky). So I reminded him of that and yea he had me laughing but it was more out of incredulous shock than anything. I told him I don't condone this kind of behavior and tried to get him to see things from my perspective but telling that to him in the state of mind he was in is like talking to my 8 year old when he is engrossed in Phineas and Ferb. They may hear you but they aren't really listening.

So while he is telling me that he isn't drunk and I am not buying it I proceed to tell him of all the other times he came home that way and how he promised it wasn't gonna happen again. I also told him that if I could I would kick his and his brother's ass for letting him drive like that. I don't care if the cops let him drive home on the legal drinking limit (which is .08%) I didn't think that was setting a really good example, ESPECIALLY when he asked the kids if they thought he was drunk. Like really?? How the fuck would they know since we don't drink around them or get drunk around them? I was only drunk around them once and that was only because my sober husband was taking care of things. That was a huge mistake on my part and therefor I don't do it anymore. If I get drunk I make sure the kids are with someone else and then they won't see me drunk.. hungover yes but never drunk. I also made mention of going to the cops with a hypothetical question to see if had they pulled someone over and gave them a breathalizer to see how "buzzed" the person was would they send him on his way or detain him til morning when the alcohol wore off.

Anyway I kept telling him to go to bed.. good night and he was stalling. I figure its so that he can make me see that he isn't drunk when I know that if he was at the legal limit for being drunk that it is drunk.

He should never have driven home because 1. We couldn't afford to have him end up in a ditch somewhere 2. We couldn't afford for him to die and 3. We can't afford the ticket he would have gotten had he been pulled over.

And yes I know he is gonna comment to defend himself so I guess bring it. I still stand by what I mean about not condoning the driving home buzzed/drunk or texting while driving. I don't care that there wasn't another car with in 30 yards that shit could have serious consequences not just for him but for other drivers.

He still has a family to take care of. His brother doesn't. Let me also say that he pointed out his brother was on his motorcycle and more inebriated than he was which is another thing I don't condone and `OMFG SPIDER!!!!!!!! I don't condone driving drunk no matter if you have a family to go home to or not. I told my husband that I am not married to his brother I was married to him and my opinion still counts for as long as we are together and then after the fact if he has a relationship with the kids.

SO if you are gonna be mad because I blogged this to point out that drinking and driving is illegal no matter what drinking limit you are at then so be it because I stand behind what I said. It should never have happened and the next time you decide you are gonna drink then maybe you should make arrangements to stay in town. I will figure out how to get to town should I have to be there.

On the last note I am glad no one was hurt on your drive home and I am glad that no one pulled you over.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sunday and Slade

Today was a pretty good day. I managed to remember to write down all the hilarity that happened and this could get long. I will try my best to not bore you too much.

As usual the kids were slow to getting out of bed due to it being Sunday and being early. Lala the baby who is 7 is very much like her mother.. not a morning person so getting her up is like waking a grizzly cub..Husband's words not mine because I see absolutely nothing wrong with not being a morning person. So anyway we all got ready to go and my husband takes his truck my boyfriend takes his. Slade the 13 yr. old and the two little kids, Skye and Lala ride with me and the boyfriend while Jessie rides with dad. On the ride to town (13 miles from town is about a 30 min drive) squeezed into a tiny pick up truck my boyfriend and I get to listen to the kids being kids.. Mom she pinched me, Mom he pulled my hair, I don't have leg room etc...

We make it to the church all in one piece and I had sternly warned the kids that the time for obnoxious fun was over.. Apparently that didn't stop my DEMON SPAWN from goofing around in church. Thank GOD my Pastor is a family man and can laugh off what my kids do...So all of us are sitting in the pew my husband, my boyfriend, and my kids, and we are waiting for church to start. My husband and boyfriend and I reach for the hymnals to mark our places for the different hymns we are going to sing and we needed a couple more hymnals (My boyfriend's mom joined us in our pew and the kids had the first three hymnals). The way our pew is set up it only holds three hymnals per cubby on the back of the pew in front of us so I didn't ask the kids to hand me a hymnal because they are all too busy with their word searches and cross word puzzles and so I said "Go Go gadget arm" my husband looks at me and doesn't say anything to me. Slade grabs me the hymnals and just shakes his head.  So after the hymnals were all passed out to those of us that wanted them I turned to my husband and boyfriend and said so I used the phrase Go go gadget arm should I have instead said Go go gidget since I am female? My husband rolls his eyes heaven ward and just shakes his head. My boyfriend just chuckles.

Slade is not a very big kid. In fact he is almost tall and gangly and had to wear a safety pin in his pants to keep them up around his waist giving him the Urkel appearance. Far be it for me to tell him he looked like that because he would have just been entirely pissed at me. I didn't say anything until the safety pin stabbing. He leaned down to scoop a crayon off the floor that the little kids had dropped and the safety pin came undone and stabbed him in the side which he let out a yelp and made the congregation jump and turn to see what the noise was. I know I was about as red as a tomato because this child likes to embarrass me. Through clenched teeth I asked him what his deal was and told him not make that awful noise again. He laughed maniacally at me. He told me that if he had pants that fit he wouldn't have had that issue I said it wasn't my fault he didn't pack his bag to stay the weekend with me knowing full well I didn't have clothes that fit him anymore.
So while he was adjusting the safety pin again he managed to dump the contents of his lap on the floor making a huge clatter and the pastor was just getting started My husband mouthed off and said way to go clutz and Slade shot back that he wasn't a clutz let alone a putz (hey he can rhyme and also this is coming from the kid who earlier last year said I know my math I just don't get it). Skye then pipes up saying to Slade clutz, putz what's the difference? Implying that either were synonymous with Slade. All Slade could do was glare at him.

Skye had been concentrating on a math word puzzle that he thought he could just put random words in until I made him go back to the directions and figure it out so then he gets to putting the letters with the corresponding math problem as the answer and decides that it was going to say Faith and it turns out that it was Father. I said I thought you told me it was Faith (trying to get him to make sure he was right) and he tells me in an all too exasperated tone that it was Father, Mom. I know my math Slade just doesn't get it.

The Pastor who has been oblivious to all of the goings on calls for us to "Pass the Peace of Christ" which is basically welcoming us to church and to shake hands with people we wouldn't otherwise acknowledge or even say hello to. Which is good because it gets us out of our comfort zones most adults are pretty much set in their ways about who they associate with. But when it comes to my spawn they are the social butterflies of the congregation making all the other kids look bad. Seriously that was not my doing. So as we are shaking hands with one particular lady she asked Slade if my boyfriend was his dad. Slade just stood there unsure of how to answer and my boyfriend speaks up and points to my husband and said no he is the dad (which in reality is my son's stepdad) Slade looks at my husband then back at this poor confused woman and says yeah he is my dad but he didn't make me. I wanted to sink into the floor but like a good mom that I am I took it in stride and just laughed it off. I am not sure what that poor woman got out of the exchange but I am pretty sure she is definitely confused as to who this boy's father is and probably shook it off as a God joke or something. I think that is what I would have done anyway.

So now the Pastor calls the kids up for Children's time and he gives them a brief run down of what our sermon is gonna be that makes it easier for them to understand (like they care at this point they are just there because that is what I want.. or at least to them that is how they think. They sat and colored their pictures while our pastor did his thing.)

Our Pastor starts in on his sermon and he always manages to put a joke at the front before actually getting into it. So the joke was that there was this guy who is standing at the Pearly Gates and conversing with St. Peter before he goes into heaven. St. Peter asks this guy if there was one thing in his life that he did that merited his getting into heaven. They went through and named off some pretty good deeds the man had done. But the one special thing he did to get where he was now was the huge merit. He told St. Peter that he came to the rescue of this woman who was being roughed up by some tough looking biker dudes. He told them that they needed to go on and leave her alone and in so doing he managed to rip out the lead biker guy's nose ring, knock over his bike and it dominoed the rest of the gangs bikes. St. Peter exclaimed that was amazing and said when did that happen? The guy says..... Oh just a few mins ago...

Then of course my thought process goes with this.. I wonder what Kevorkian would have told St. Peter to get into heaven. My husband just gave me the look. I am like WHAT??.. I guess I am just curious if he made it to heaven by repenting for doing all those mercy killings or if there was something else that he did to make it in assuming he even went to heaven at all. Because that is how I think. So I know that people can ask for forgiveness and ask to be saved and be comfortable knowing that no matter what nasty deed they do they are saved.. and for some reason that irks me..that will have to be on a different post because it is turning into a tirade.

We finish church and fellowship at the back of the sanctuary, my husband goes to work, and we hang out at my boyfriends house the rest of the afternoon. My husband gets off work comes to pick us up and being as how both my boyfriend and husband smoke, my boyfriend was out of smokes and my husband had a couple he could have. So anyway the boyfriend mis read the box and thought the website was www.cameltoe.com instead of the www.camel.com. Being as how the box says SEIZE THE HUMP DAY on it you know where his mind is.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

It was his idea

Our house is an energy drain so my husband decides to shut off the breakers to the back half of the house where things aren't working anyway. The outlet to where the deep freeze is plugged into is on that circuit.

So not knowing anything is wrong I go about my business and start planning dinner. I have my 13 yr. old get some bison burger from the freezer and he is being such a girl about it ew its all mushy.. I am like WTF? It shouldn't be mushy it came from the freezer! So low and behold I get out there and the freezer isn't humming away.. I check the breakers and start flipping random switches. Apparently the breaker I flipped was the one that also helps power the back half of the house so for about a week and a half (thank GOD for the bad weather and keeping things cool) my freezer has not been working. It was white noise anyway you don't really notice things until they aren't running because something just feels wrong. So the breaker I switched on powered the freezer for all of 2 mins and then died.. my freezer is now among the wasteland of broken or old appliances in my yard. 

(Yes that is snow)

I managed to save the meat, butter and cheese along with 3 bags of flour and several packages of egg noodles, some instant potatoes and great white northern beans.. 

Did I mention it looked like I was making bread in the bottom of my freezer as I am scooping this stuff out with a snow shovel? My husband said blood bread.. EWWWWW

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Why I can't be funny

ok so there are sometimes when I am funny.. I make people laugh but more at me than with me..


So I am playing this game www.pplbucket.com and omg.. it is the funniest thing I have ever seen.. It gets funnier when you get to slingshot people across the screen.. Ok yea I have finally decided that I am weird.. It doesn't help when you have a 7, 6, 11 and 14 year old laughing their fool heads off..


Ok yea back to topic.. I am soo not funny.. and if people are laughing its because I said something that probably millions of people already have thought, said or did.. no originality what so ever..

My 6 year old is funnier than I am.. Always retelling things she did is soo much fun.. like the other day.. She goes to bed before the adults do so we know they are in bed sleeping.. so anyway I go to bed about 2 am. The next morning my 11 year old is bawling like a 2 year old.. WTF.So me not being a morning person gets out of bed to find out what the freakin deal is.. and low and behold.. my son's back pack is missing all the contents are on the floor and its 10 mins til the bus gets to the stop a quarter mile up our road.. Time Crunch much!? Anyway so he is bawling and I have to tell him to man up because crying isn't going to bring the back pack here.. My 6 yr. old can be heard in the background laughing maniacally and more evil thoughts are plotting around in her head.

I should add that they are older and more evil than before and my son is still a sensitive being.

p.s. I just found this entry as a draft.. weird because I thought I posted it 2 years ago.. but apparently I glitched or the system did.. Damn the Matrix anyway..