Saturday, July 23, 2011

Rooster Teeth = Cock Bite

Ok so I was having a conversation the other day about how if I just take the written test and pass I can get my class N endorsement. A class N endorsement is to drive a tank. I was toying with the idea of getting my CDL and decided maybe I want my tank endorsement as well as my hazmat endorsement. I like living dangerously.
This beauty is Sheila. 

It's somewhat scary how anyone can pass a written test to drive a tank. Made me think of terrorists. Anyway so my boyfriend has me hooked on Red vs. Blue. This came after I found out that you only need to take the written and pass  to get the endorsement.

tinamariewitt1103 : doughnut had the flag
tinamariewitt1103 : teleporter sent me back in time
qoraQ .puqloD : lol
tinamariewitt1103: yellow dies
qoraQ .puqloD : That's Grif. He gets shot a lot
qoraQ .puqloD : and he is orange. LMAO
tinamariewitt1103 : holy shit.. church bye bye
qoraQ .puqloD: And that is just the beginning of church's problems with death
tinamariewitt1103: lol
tinamariewitt1103: and that is why I need my tank endorsement
qoraQ .puqloD: lmao
tinamariewitt1103 : so I can be the lady in the tank
qoraQ .puqloD: Hello pretty Tank Lady.

Red vs. Blue Episode 1

That was about the first 8 episodes of Season 1. So it comes to my attention that when I get my class N endorsement I will be able to pick up chicks. At least that was Tucker's idea for what the tank was for since no one but Caboose knew how to drive the tank. But know one knew that Caboose had activated the tutorial for driving Sheila.

I could drive Sheila provided she didn't tell me how to drive her. I like to press buttons and figure things out for myself and well her voice would be every bit as annoying as the GPS units you can get these days. I HATE those. Besides Sheila would like how I handled her.

If you get hooked on RVB well You're Welcome.

Friday, July 22, 2011

July Birthday

Today is the Hubby's birthday. He turns a whopping 43 years. So his birthday present from me this morning so far has been swift kicks to his backside. I still have yet to make it to 43.

We are gonna party all weekend probably go to the lake at some point not sure. I am making an antelope roast for him with potatoes. We will have ice cream for dessert. Tomorrow we will have the cake.

He came home drunk. Said he was only gonna have one drink and ended up having his brother drive him home. Needless to say I wasn't sympathetic to his plight. I was rather pissy. As for those kicks that I never finished?? Well I think he needs them. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Horrible things I did as a kid : Tormenting my brother because it was easy.

Picture this:

It was a fall day, we were going to school. My middle brother and I would walk to school with our mom since it was only a block away. I was still young enough to care about watching cartoons and that is pretty much what I thought about all day. I was also charged with the responsibility of bringing my brother home in the afternoons. After all I was the eldest sibling and my mom trusted me.

So I don't know where the irrational fear of the weather came from but for some reason my brother was TERRIFIED of tornadoes and I knew it. (insert evil laugh here)

It was a typical fall day and still fairly decent with the weather as far as Sept or October was considered. So we were walking home and the leaves had all fallen to the ground and some of them were crispy so if you walked on them they would crunch. Well the wind had caught them and was swirling them in a circle and the leaves rattled and that was when I got my devious plan.

I wanted to watch cartoons. I had enough of school stuff and wanted to watch my favorite shows. (I can't remember now what they were.) So we were just 5 feet from turning the corner to the home stretch when the leaves started really circling because the wind had picked up.

You can see where this is going...

I told my then 5 year old brother that the leaves behind him were a tornado and it was gonna get him. He FREAKED out and took off! I was left to howling with laughter because it was the funniest sight I had seen all day and of course I am a MEAN older sister. What can I say?

Needless to say I pretty much asked for that spanking. But it didn't stop me. 

Friday, July 15, 2011

The horrible things I did as kid

I am the older sister to two younger brothers. I would torture, tease and generally pull stupid big sibling pranks. Depending on whether or not my brothers told on me or if I did the prank blatantly would determine whether or not if I got into trouble with our mom.

One such incident I remember clearly goes like this. 

We were living in my grandpa's house while he lived in California and on this particular day it was raining. Our mom had told us to find something to do since cartoons weren't on. So my brothers and I decided to play hide and seek. My grandpa's house happens to be a two story home (ground level and then a basement). Often we would just stay to the ground level of the home for hide and seek and pretty soon that got boring. I was devising several new hiding places and decided to use the basement. 

*side note* Our basement had a place under the stairs that even I was terrified. I am not sure why, maybe it was just that it was scarily pitch black that not even a flashlight could illuminate the dark. (That was my 10 year old logic) 

Several rounds of hide and seek and things got really boring. So I decided to liven things up and I dared my middle brother to go downstairs. He wasn't stupid by any means and told me only if I go with him. Ok so knowing I was bigger and faster than he was went with him. 

We made it all the way to the bottom of the stairs where I shoved him and took off up the stairs where I turned the light off and slammed the door. Then just as quickly you could hear my middle brother HOWLING because he was locked in the dark. I cracked open the door to the landing and hollered down at him that the Witch under the stairs was gonna get him and about then I heard him hauling ASS up those stairs which I fumbled closing the door because I was laughing so hysterically. 

Because our mom was such a good mom she came to investigate the noise to find me with my back against the door blocking my brother's escape. She asked me what I was doing and where was my brother. I told her we were playing a game and that he was downstairs and at that particular moment he let out a terrified yell, screaming for me to open the door and hollering for our mom. She moves me and opens the door to find my brother standing on the stair just below the door in tears, red faced and just having himself a fit. 

I wasn't impressed and was laughing because I thought it was funny. She turned, after grabbing my brother and giving him hugs and calming him down, and told me that I was in deep shit. The look on her face made the laughter die and I went to my room. 

Funny how I don't remember if she whipped my ass or not but I think I remember her grounding me. 

See I wasn't a nice sister...

What are your funny childhood stories? Post them in the comments! 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Alien boy and the horrible sisterly things I did

Ok so here is the story of Alien boy.

I was about 11 or 12 years old and was left in charge of my brothers who are 2 and 4 years younger than I am. So that would make them 9(10) and 6(7). So our mom needed to get out of the house and go do some adult things and left me in charge. We were all charged with cleaning our rooms and maintaining the cleanliness of the rest of the house and we were also told to stay inside while she was gone.

Well because of the way our house was set up my window to my room was also on the side where the front porch was and often during the summer I left it open a crack for the cool air during the night. Well my brothers and I had dinner with my mom and she left to go do whatever it was she was doing. I don't know what possessed me to start picking on my my brother who is about 9 or 10, (Maybe its because I am a horrible big sister) but I got our youngest brother (6 or 7) to side with me about picking on our 9 year old brother.

Anyway so we started with just all out picking on him. First it was taking things from him and just generally being mean and then it was locking him outside where I taunted him that mom was gonna come home any min and he would get in trouble for being outside. Well some how the tables were flipped and he locked us out of the house and I thought I was the cocky one and said go ahead I would be able get in through my window. Little did I know he had already locked it on me so here I sat on the front porch locked out of the house. I was pretty useless about getting in. Nothing short of breaking a window was gonna get my youngest brother and I back in. Well that is until I had the brilliant plan to show my brother who had locked himself in the house just how much of a good time we were having.

So I got my youngest brother in on my plan and we decided that playing in the dark outside was the best idea ever! We were spinning around making the Earth look like it was going warp speed and then we would sit down and watch it spin. So then my other brother comes out of the house to see what we were doing and little did I know he had locked the door behind him.

Then I snuck off to see if I could get back in the house and it was locked. I knew then that we would all be in trouble so because I knew by then that he had locked the door I started really being mean by calling him names. The name we settled on was Alien boy. We taunted him that the mother-ship was gonna come home and get him which in itself was hilarious because we knew she was gonna get us all and I would probably lose my babysitting status. But I didn't care.

It's 10 O'clock and our mom comes pulling in and see us on the porch and goes Why are you all outside? I thought I told you to stay in the house? Aliens must have abducted my mind because I know I told you to stay in the house.

AT this point my youngest brother and I just rolled off the porch where we were. My other brother didn't find this the least bit funny and our mom couldn't figure out what was so freaking hilarious. All I could say in short gasps was Alien... Boy.... Levi... and scowling. Our mom finally put it all together and goes OMG Levi I am soooo sorry to which just made my youngest brother and I die even harder laughing. I keep going over in my mind what she said. Aliens must have abducted my mind.

That phrase brings a smile to my face even today.

I have more stories like this.. stay tuned. I think we all needed that laugh because of the recent scary shit that was going on before. I hope this makes you think of what you did to your sibs if you had them. Next time I will share Leaf Tornado or Dead G.I Joe's and the my little pony mishap.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

You can't trust anyone pt. 2: Closure

I am about to lay some heavy shit down. It's a true story and it sucks. No one should ever be subjected to this and I pray for everyone in this kind of situation. This happened at the end of November and is ongoing until we get some kind of recompense for everything that happened. For those of you with weak stomachs or penchant for killing sick fuck's like I will describe please know that we did everything we could including alerting the authorities to what was going on. I feel like a terrible parent and I kick myself all the time for what happened.

I am a good person. I help people when I can. So I had a person that I considered an acquaintance staying in my home with her husband and daughter. For a little while things were good. It was nice having another adult to talk to that was female and it got me somewhat out of my rut. Then things started getting out of control.

I ended up going out of town with a friend to go see another friend whose dad killed himself. My husband and I left our female acquaintance and her husband and daughter in our home with our 3 kids. We thought things were ok. I called periodically to check on them and make sure things were ok. Just like any parent would leaving their kids with someone.

Anyway on the return trip home I get a phone call telling me I needed to get in touch with the school principle. Ok this is tripping my shit out so I call and she said that my 14 year old was cited for illegal drug use and I was confused because no way was my 14 year old ever like that. But apparently peer pressure is what did her in.

I get home, my mom had taken her down to my grandparents house where they could keep an eye on her until I could get home. My mom was freaking out about what to do with my little kids and I said if I wasn't home to go get them I didn't want them going back out to the house with out me.

This is what I found out. Apparently my daughter has been having sleeping issues. Like not being able to go to sleep and stay asleep. I didn't know this because she doesn't tell me things. Ok strike one for me because usually she tells me things. So because this acquaintance is on Xanax and so is her daughter they thought it would be ok to give my daughter the Xanax too to help her sleep. Google Xanax. Apparently for some people its an antidepressant and sometimes a sleep aide. But for someone that has never taken it before not to mention the dosage was for an adult female my daughter had a weird reaction to it and she was lucky not to have had her stomach pumped or had been killed from it.

I berated her up one side and down the other for her stupid actions. I was blowing steam off because first off I am really scared and upset that I could have lost her and at the same time I was pissed as hell at the woman for even having given her the Xanax. YOU DON'T EVER GIVE MY KIDS SOMETHING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.  My own mother doesn't even give them anything without talking to me first.

Ok so we got things squared away and we were able to write this off as a learning experience albeit a dangerous one but learned nonetheless.

We go through Christmas no problems. We get to the end of January and start having issues again. We had just got our W2's back to file and get some bills paid.

The end of January comes and goes and we postponed my daughter's birthday til the first weekend of February also being Super Bowl weekend.We were in town Friday morning taking care of bills and getting groceries and birthday presents for my youngest daughter. We left my 14 year old and our two youngest kids with the female acquaintance and her husband and their daughter. I told my 14 year old she was basically in charge since these people had their own schedule. So we left and within 3 hours the female acquaintance calls me its 2:30 in the afternoon we were getting ready to head out to the house when I get her phone call.She is in tears. My first thought was my house was on fire and my kids were trapped so I am trying to stay calm until I find out what the fuck is really going on. She told me she would meet me at my friends house and she would tell me there.

She shows up, tells me my 14 year old forced herself on my acquaintances' husband. After hearing this I am completely baffled. Not sure that I was hearing things correctly I asked her what she meant. I found out that the female acquaintance found her husband with his pants undone and my 14 year old hovering over his lap with her hands. So apparently what she walked out and seen was the process of a hand job. So my acquaintance told him to leave, and then she left. Which was hugely stupid on her part because what if he had come back and seriously hurt my 14 year old or my younger kids? I was beyond livid I was dead calm knowing that the sick fuck ever showed up I would seriously kill him with whatever I could get my hands on. As a parent and as someone who is very much against child molester's I was gonna kill the bastard.

We got out to the house and I proceeded to find out what was going on. In the meantime my husband's ex brother  in law shows up drunk and needing help with his vehicle. I don't condone his actions either and was really pissed my husband even helped him. Apparently he was a huge dumb ass and called his wife who had called the cops on him and when she found out where he was exactly sent the Sheriff out to the house. He was arrested in my yard which thankfully my kids never seen.

So while we waited outside for the Sheriff and his deputies to leave my female acquaintance was called over to the truck where she was told they picked her husband up and was hauling him in. What was only a routine traffic stop because the plates were expired was the only thing until the idiot (and much to our favor) the sick fuck that molested my 14 year old blurted he was sorry he had indecencies with a minor. Which baffled the Sheriff that pulled him over. He radios the other deputies and then the story comes out that he was trying to have sexual liberties with a minor. At this point I am like where the fuck are my little kids in all this going on. Thank God for TV because they apparently were oblivious to what was going on until every thing exploded into Chaos.

We then were asked to grab the clothes she was wearing when he was trying to stick his penis into her vagina and have her come to the station for her statement and ours of course. In all this we had to cancel my youngest daughter's birthday which she was severely upset and didn't  understand why. I left my kids again in the care of the female acquaintance (this wasn't her fault and I had threatened bodily harm if my kids were hurt or anything). She knew I would do it because I was that murderous.

So we went to the station where they took my 14 year old's clothes for evidence. They took our statements and 4 hours later let us go. What we found out later is what really kills me.

He had attempted to rape her. He had been sitting in jail and told the Detective that he would gladly submit to the lie detector test but the dumb ass failed it. So then because they didn't have enough evidence to hold him they released him where a few days later we find out the sick bastard fled the state. The female acquaintance left his dumb ass and went house hopping. She wasn't welcome in my home because of her actions.

Then we find out just a month ago she left the state and is probably back with the fucker. She left her 14 year old daughter in the care of her 18 year old daughter which really makes me question my judgement. So anyway we had my 14 year old's clothes sent off for testing which we were told would be about a 3-4 month wait because everything was backlogged.

So for the 3-4 months we have been waiting we have been ensuring the safety of our kids by teaching them to not talk to strangers and to not talk to family friends unless we are present. In my post You can't trust anyone my little kids did exactly what they were supposed to do which makes me soo proud.

We are finally going to get closure for the attempted rape on my 14 year old who is now 15. I hope the sick fucking bastard gets caught doing something hugely stupid and gets extradited back here so we can press charges and take his ass to court. We are going to file grievances and I hope his ass rots in jail. We found out today that the evidence on my daughter's clothes came back positive for his DNA. So now its just a matter of catching the rat bastard and going to trial.

I appreciate the thoughts and prayers that every one has said so that we can finally get some closure. I have learned to be wary of people now and I know I have learned my lesson in making sure I know who my kids are staying with. I wanted to get this out there as a learning experience and to know that people aren't perfect but to let this be a lesson to everyone that it can happen to anyone.

I am severely disgusted that it had to wait so long but I was hoping to have some good news at the end of this ordeal. Luckily we do. My 15 year old is more wary of trusting people, she is more trusting in family to tell us things that we need to know and she has come away a stronger person. We all have and I Thank God we are all ok. Things could have been far worse.

Monday, July 11, 2011

You can't trust anyone

So I sent my kids to a friends house to play. They do this all the time so there were no qualms about them going over there today.  They get over there and the kid and his family aren't home. Ok my bad, but at least the kids were out of the house for 5 mins. In the time it took them to walk over there and walk home a Fed -Ex driver was driving around delivering packages.

I think the Fed-Ex guy is a pedophile and that my kids are smarter than him. Apparently on their way back home the Fed -Ex driver stopped and was going to deliver the package to my neighbors but changed his mind and started following my kids. My son stops moving and my daughter keeps walking the Fed-Ex guy is still following my daughter at a snail pace. My son races to catch up with his sister and they run and hide. The Fed-Ex guy speeds up and drives past the hiding place and ends up turning around in another drive way. Sees my kids and veers towards the ditch. My kids hide again behind a hill where Fed-Ex guy can't see them and Fed -Ex guy drives past the kids' hiding place and turns into the neighbors yard. The kids come flying through the door telling me and their dad.

So because I didn't actually see what was going on I really don't know what the intention of the Fed-Ex guy. My thought process is A) you don't talk to strangers, B) you don't accept anything from someone you don't know and C) you tell an adult. All of which my kids did! Yay kids!

My question is why is Fed-Ex following kids. For packages sometimes you have to sign for them and minors can't sign for them or incapacitated adults can't sign for them either. The Fed-Ex, mail carrier, UPS has to judge someone competent to deliver the package to or leave it on the door step or leave a note saying come pick up your parcel. You aren't supposed to chase kids. It was all very creepy.

I can't report this because I don't know the guy delivering for Fed-Ex and I didn't know the truck number or route number. At this point it would be my word/my kids' word against Fed-Ex. The cops around here have to wait for something drastic to happen before they do anything about it. God forbid my kid go missing and I seen a Fed-Ex truck hauling ass away from the last place I seen my kid! The law sucks.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Mercy Killing and You

Are you ready for controversy?

Everyone knows Dr. Jacob "Jack" Kevorkian aka Dr. Death. He was a physician that assisted people in suicide.  I mentioned in a previous blog entry Sunday and Slade. I mentioned how I wondered what Kevorkian did to merit his getting into heaven or if he ever got in at all.

Obviously no one will know what is on the mind of God let alone the exact time of when the human race will be Raptured, Harold Camping has led us to believe that only he could know God's mind.

Anyway we all know what Kevorkian did and I know that the surrounding controversy most people were appalled that he could kill people with the lowering of a syringe stopper into an IV. People die everyday and in most cases its a tragedy because of the way they go. Other than the way that Kevorkian's patients went, people cannot control how they die. People die in so many ways and not one person thought to stop and question whether or not that person wanted to go out that way.

I can tell you most people don't want to suffer so why is it so hard for people to accept what Kevorkian did for his clients? Is it any different than putting a beloved pet to sleep? Isn't it more wrong to make our loved ones suffer than to give them the relief they need that only death can give them? Those people that died wanted more than pain medication. They wanted a full life but because of the way things happened it just didn't happen for them.  I personally couldn't put a loved one out of their misery. I would turn to my doctor for that. Because don't we trust the doctor explicitly? Don't we expect them to be "right" more than our loved ones?

For example you are at a stage 4 with Cancer. Chemo therapy isn't helping anything but your hair falling out if it hasn't already and is killing your liver. It's draining your life savings and that of your grandkids' life savings. You are depressed and to top if off your memory is going to shit. Your doctor tells you and your loved ones that you have early onset of Alzheimer's Disease. No cure but he can give you medicine to prolong your life. The part they don't tell you is that its going to cost an arm and leg that you can't afford. So what is your choice? Suicide or suffer through and wait for death to come knocking? Now while I don't agree with suicide most of the time (most people associate suicide for younger people that want to end things before they can fix them) at least with this option you get to choose how you go. Then there was a man that made physician assisted suicide a hot topic.

Because he is a doctor he had to take the doctor's creed - Hippocratic Oath.

I am sure that in his 4 trials that the Hippocratic Oath was brought up. They probably thought to use it against him. His 4th trial ended in a mistrial and the other three he was acquitted. So what does that tell you? (No lawyer could convict him explicitly.) He served time

To me it says he did what he thought was necessary in helping these families even if it meant death. As a physician I can imagine he had to have counseled these people and their families or at least referred them to a counselor. Death and choosing your way to go is a serious undertaking of knowing exactly what you want and not just having the pain speak for you. The other side of that is knowing what you will be leaving behind. Getting all your affairs in order and making sure that most of the major things are done so that your family doesn't have too much of a hardship later with bills and what not.

I know that most people tend to not think about death and the problems that come with it such as dealing with debt and grief. The people I know who proclaim the Christian faith believe that death isn't the end and that through Christ they will have ever lasting life so death is conquered and the only thing they are leaving behind is the shell. So is it really hard to make your decision on how you want to go instead of waiting for your time?

What if physician assisted suicide is your answer after praying about it for God knows how long?
I said earlier I don't agree with suicide. That is not quite accurate. What I mean is I don't agree with killing yourself because things didn't go your way and then you are all depressed about it. Take for example those teens that kill themselves because a certain person turned them down or because their parents split up. What about the middle aged man that is just fed up with life and things won't change so he takes his life in the hopes that it will "save" his family more grief? That now because he is gone they can do the things that they couldn't while he was there.

My personal belief that I am not shoving on anyone and not asking anyone to understand is that if I have a terminal illness with no cure and its costing my family money we don't have to keep me alive I would rather die. Now mind you I am on the healthy side of this because I am not suffering from an illness that eventually will take me.

I guess the point of this is to maybe get a different perspective of what Kevorkian did for these people was a blessing instead of a curse. I wouldn't go so far as to say that Kevorkian was a saint but he did what I believe he thought was right. What right do we have to judge a man that was helping people?

My point is Kevorkian probably is sitting in heaven right now with those people getting thanks for helping them. His merit was that he was compassionate enough to see how much life hurt them. He was compassionate enough to give these people a way to end their suffering. In much the same way we put a beloved pet down he understood that. What he did is between him and God and he will be judged accordingly and chances are that he will get to have everlasting life even after the last judgement or White Throne judgement.

We will all be judged for things we did or didn't do (in respects to what we could have done vs not doing anything at all) and we will have to answer for them.

This pretty much explains it. I may not have been a Kevorkian supporter but I wasn't on the bandwagon to crucify him either. I am of the mindset that what you do is what you do. If you involve me that was my choice to join you or not. I think because we are all entitled to our opinions everyone should have an open mind and do what we think is right for us.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Somebody should have warned me

What the hell is wrong with people that they can't warn a person before they do shit?

I jumped on my blogger site only to find someone had upgraded it to make it so sterile. There isn't any fun back ground colors or customization of my font. The only part that is the same is the part you see while reading this. It's my cool purple flamey background on black with gray and purple lettering. But what I see on the other side reminds me of a hospital!!

I didn't even get a warning email saying that after a few days a new format was available or whatever. Also it isn't user friendly. I was clicking on buttons kinda wondering where I would go and wondering if I could go back similar to Alice in Wonderland only its Lilscorpiosweet in Blogosphere.

I came on here to say something else and as it turns out all of what I was gonna say went right out the window as I started at the stark white and death gray template that is my screen for blogger. I haven't played with the options and I am hoping I can revert or at least give this new template something more interesting to look at because for what its worth I feel like I was straight jacketed and dragged off to the mental hospital and tortured to stare at white walls and have my skin take on the pallor of death. Bad enough I shy away from the sun.

Anyway Thanks Blogger for not asking my opinion. It sure would have been fucking nice of you to have at least had my thoughts before forcing me to accept a new template. You would think after having been a loyal subject for so long you wouldn't treat your subjects like this. I for one don't like that you just act like you know what's best for me and do it. When did you become my parent? Oh wait that's right it doesn't say Blogger under mother or father's name. Guess you need to start taking into consideration people's preferences and opinions. Do a poll next time or offer this as  a choice you would have so many more happy customers and users than just acting like a spoiled child wanting your way.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Injustice of a Child Murder

People like Casey Anthony need to be sterilized so they can't murder again. First off this is injustice for Caylee we all know Casey killed her. The people handling the evidence need to be brought in on charges of not handling the evidence properly and second off God forbid this happen to another of her offspring should she have anymore kids. It makes me sick to think she can go out and get pregnant again and possibly do this to another child. I hope the courts at LEAST order her to undergo a sterilization process that would be the least they could do since they never gave Caylee any closure so she could rest in peace. 

Casey Anthony you are lucky you don't know me or any of my friends. Because while we don't approve of killing for any reason other than survival, but I think we would bend the rules for you and every other child killer because people like you don't deserve to have a life after taking the life of a child that never had a chance. It is my hope that you don't ever get pregnant again and have another child because your type, would just to "replace" the first child you "lost". I hope for your sake that you never have kids. 

Parents that kill their kids should suffer the same fate they saw fit to give their kids. Andrea Yates deserves to be drowned in the bathtub where she drowned her kids. Casey Anthony needs to be killed as Caylee was etc... 

This makes me sick and sad at the same time. The courts fucked up royally. 

All I have to say is that I hope for Casey's sake she suffers every day.

And in case you are outside the U.S. and don't know what is going on you can Google Casey Anthony and watch all the crap that went on with Caylee being murdered. Many American's believe this bitch killed her daughter. Casey Anthony was found NOT GUILTY.

Golden Showers with Sparks

We all know what Golden Showers are right? If you don't then chances are you either are too young, not experienced enough or just plain don't surf the internet enough. At some point during our teen years and adult lives we take what is called a purity test to see how "innocent" we are or how "naughty" we think we are or would like to be. I am sure you can Google the words purity test and find the 150 question test and take it and if you are really internet savvy you could also Google Golden Showers and get a Wikipedia reference as well. Not to mention you could also Google/Yahoo image Golden showers to find a visual. NOT  that I am recommending this. But if you want to tame the hunger for knowledge there you go. You're welcome.

I am telling you NOW that I will not ever be involved in scat porn or snuff films. Those are just too extreme to me. While I know what golden showers are I also don't participate in them unless it's relieving my bladder into a toilet.

So anyway it's the 4th of July and like most American's I am celebrating my freedom with sparklers, m80's, screamer bottle rockets, fountains and watching the neighbors light off their mortar based fireworks. We lit neon sparklers, and smoke bombs, screamers and a few others and watched how pretty sparks shot out of the top as we set flame to the fuses. It was great to see the looks on my kids' faces light up (no pun intended) at the different colors that each firework was made up from. Before we made it outside we were taking inventory of what we had so we could take the proper precautions for safety and not be like the dumb ass last night that was handing his 4 year old son m16's and m80's with a short fuse. I had visions of blood spurting from a mangled hand that the poor kid would never be able to use normally again.

Anyway so as my Step-Dad was reading off some of the names of the fountain fireworks he came across one labeled Golden Shower. My mom not one to openly talk sex and tell raunchy sex jokes was laughing so hard she was crying because it totally was lost on my Step-Dad that as he was reading these names off some of them might be mistaken for porn movies or sex acts. Case in point Golden Showers with Sparks. Then he comes back to it, my husband, mom and I had finally calmed down long enough to tell him what he missed and he mouthed off "Well I know what a Golden Shower is but I never seen it do that before." And I thought we were gonna die. It was even more hilarious because the kids had no idea what we were laughing at.

Needless to say we had a happy and fun July 4th!