Sunday, May 29, 2011

E.R Visit and the rest of my day..

We had to go to the E.R. because my youngest child couldn't breathe. So we were sitting there watching the Lifetime Channel some show about how this woman killed her baby or whatever and this lady comes in with a 5-6 year old boy. I guess he was there to get stitches. So they were sitting there calmly and this other lady comes in. I guess she must have been the first woman's mother bringing with her the little sister of the boy. So "mom" springs for the bites of twizzler's and gives them to the boy with apparently no thought for the other child. So then this little girl who appeared to be about 2-3 starts wailing at the top of her lungs..We weren't the only ones that were in that E.R. as usual it was full not a seat anywhere. So this woman and her mother were conversing while this child was screaming at the top of her lungs and not even a hush was mentioned. 

So I know I wasn't the only patron that wanted that kid to shut up and I almost got up and told the woman to shut her up but then we got called back to see the Dr. We went through the diatribe of did she try something new, did she eat something she wasn't supposed to blah blah blah.. ok she is 7.. not 2.. where they stick almost anything in their mouths. My daughter is very picky about what she puts in her mouth now after having multiple disgusting encounters that she probably mentally shudders at. So the doc decided to suggest an EKG and I said no. It's not her heart and I had a sudden flash of insight that what she was suffering from was a panic attack.. WTG she is just like me.. Sarcasm and all. 

so here is my letter to waiting room lady. 

Dear Waiting room Mom,

Please shut your kid up. Most of us were too polite to tell you to go outside with the child let alone to tell her to be quiet. We are in a public place and you should have known better. I think that if we had to do it over again I would have told you that I was there suffering a migraine for which I was going to be treated for and your kid was not helping matters. 


So then the rest of my day commenced after we left the hospital. We are driving down Main Street when my 13 year old son spots a limo and says "Is that the Dead Car?" Knowing exactly what he was talking about I said no that is not a horse.. I realized in that split second what I said and knowing that it struck me funny and I about died laughing I was incapacitated to correct him. A few mins later I texted my husband to tell him about what had just happened here is the result of that:

ME: Does that mean it's for Zombies or is it a hearse which I called a horse (this was shortly after I told him that my 13 yr old was killing us - my mom and the other kids)
HIM: Rich people on crack same as zombies

Now mind you it doesn't have to be rich people but with the limo and this being a podunk town rich is being able to afford a limo even for a day.. 

The rest of the night ended in a blur of laughter in a cake fog and coffee haze. 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Roast Beast (Beef) and Weird conversation..

I am sitting here dumbfounded.. apparently my husband is being the typical male.. This is our entire conversation:

Me: I didn't get my offlines
Him: I said good morning 2 the one that loves her boyfriend and kinda loves her husband.
Me: were you at my boyfriends?
Him: Yes i was.
Me: oh
Him: Hates me now?
Me: no
Him: Did you feel me kiss you this morning and tell you love ya?
Me: no
Him: So talking to my best friend at all?
Me: he is eating lunch
Him: Ah okay
Me: what did you have?

Him: I had a lame ass borito from loaf and jug.
Me: more than I had.. I am craving french dips
Him: Sounds yummy to me as well
Me: you wanna go get roast beast from Walmart and some aujus and buns? provided you get an advance? that will be supper?
Him: Yes mistress lol. Annything else i can do for you dear?
Me: pop?
Him: Okey dear. Btw. I am comando.
Me: lol
Him: No shorts no sweats just bare skin and blue jeanes
Me: good.. how does it feel
Him: It is nice. Been trying not to sport a woody.
Me: see... I knew you would
Me: you will probably want to get 4lbs of shaved roast beast
Him: Ok.
Me: can you get cheese? either provolone or swiss please?
Him: So like one brest lol
Me: what?
Him: You said roast beast. I had a dirty thaught one brest.
Me: kkkkaaayyy
Him: Never mind mine is in the gutter and you are thinking g rated.
Me: how did we go from cheese to breasts
Him: Beast duh
Me: ok so we were gonna put cheese on the beast how does breast come in and for that matter roast beast and breasts are two diff parts of the body
Him: Never mind ok

So yea I know his spelling is atrocious.. but you get the gist of what he is saying I think.. I am still dumdfounded

Monday, May 16, 2011

Funny is in the Ear of the Beholder

I follow some very funny people on Twitter and last night stumbled upon someone that is equally funny to The Bloggess. 

So I had been going through some of the posts from this blogger and laughed at almost every single post, I had that feeling that most of what was there had happened in my own life I am just not on the ball about blogging it as it happens but as it happens this is still fresh in my mind.. 

So I am reading this post on Oh, Noa and particularly #3 stands out.. I don't have the slightest idea why this struck me absolutely funny.. maybe it had something to do with my almost 13 year old son.. I read it out loud and everyone was laughing then my almost 13 yr. old son says Wait.. I don't get it.. so I repeated it and laughed harder when he informs us all in a petulant fashion that he does not in fact have a squishy head.. 

So finally I am tearing myself away from the computer dying all the way to my room.. my husband and I were still laughing our fool heads off and something got said along the lines of chicks with dicks and the line to that song (yea you know which one) Thanks Tone Loc.. Sheila was a man I never thought I would stop laughing.. I wake up this morning only to find the cover of FOX on my side of the bed and on the inside cover was ... yep you guessed it an ad for Chicks with Dicks.. Funky Cold Medina... 

I still have no idea how that cover got on my side of the bed.. my husband swears he didn't put it there and I know that I didn't sleep walk because I was dead..