POKEBALL I choose YOU!!!!!

For shits and giggles I decided to cruise the internet. Specifically Eden Fantasy's and looked at their toys. I favorited a few and decided I should make a wish list.

Upon making this wishlist I came across this: I call it the poke ball. Eden Fantasy's calls it a pleasure ball. And all the while I am calling this thing a poke ball I am trying to imagine what kind of creature might live inside it. Maybe Squirtle?

Then I got to thinking about all the names this thing could be called or what it could be inside and this is my list:

How about a tentacool? Eden Fanatasy's has those too look here. I can just imagine opening that ball up and a blue octopus tentacle slithers out.

How about we call this little ball a voltorb after the aptly named creature that delivers that low shock to tingle your flesh while maintaining its ball shape?

How about we call this ball electabuzz where we know that its rechargeable?

What ever you decide to call it I am sure it will be able to jigglypuff your wigglytuff and make you tingle in all sorts of places.

POKE BALL I choose YOU!!!!

Sunday Volleyball ballet and Summer time activities

Sunday we went to our friends house. This being one of the first weekends where we all had the time to get together and do fun summer activities.

For those that know me, you know I am not an active person. I don't run or jump and I don't chase balls. So what did we do? We played volleyball. Yep volleyball. Jessie and I wore flip flops (which I  remember were called thongs once upon a time.) So about the second game I decide to go bare foot because I figured that was better than twisting my damn ankle and sitting in the 9th level of hell (the hospital or one stop band-aid shop) only to have a doctor tell me to soak it and put it on ice while keeping it elevated. So yea I didn't twist my ankle. I got those nasty sticky little things that come from the trees that kinda look like tiny bananas stuck to the bottoms of my feet. So here we are with our demented friends playing volleyball three on three. My husband, Jessie and I with Helen, Larry and their oldest son Michael. We played 6 games which the last three were a complete slaughter. It was guys vs girls. We sucked!! We had a few good hits and the ball volleyed back and forth for a good 30 seconds. Yea we were that good. It also didn't matter what side we were on but it seemed like all of us at some point could have been ballerinas.

But because the volleyball kit didn't include boundary lines we had to make up our own and that was a trip. Jessie used her flip flops to mark the boundary line for our court and at one point the ball landed between the flip flops. I wasn't paying attention to where the ball went and the next thing I know someone announced that it went between the thongs. All of the adults were already in sick state of mind and busted a gut laughing and embarrassed Jessie who turned 3 shades red as you can well imagine she was the one to have called them thongs instead of flip flops. Which then brought on the gutter state of mind and we all out were calling each other names. Michael yelled PENIS just as his mom served the ball rendering it a net ball because she was laughing so hard. I couldn't help but think about being back in high school where in health class we all giggled at the names of genitalia.

After 2 Smirnoff's I was done playing. We had barbecued pork chops, peas, ramen noodles and jello for dinner. I was sitting at the computer trying to figure out why the wireless card  that looks like a USB flash drive wasn't working and come to the brilliant conclusion that whatever virus had infiltrated the computer via Facebook when it was having issues was what the problem was.So the plan is next weekend I will continue downloading their music and finish backing up their files they want to save and then blast the computer back to factory. (which sounds much cooler than it really is)

Needless to say Sunday was pretty good and I never want to push myself that hard again. It hurts!

We left the kids with our friends for the night because we figured since we had to go back to town we would just pick them up after I was done with putting in job applications. So we came home and crashed.

MONDAY MORNING...

I ended up sleeping in. I don't think I even moved after going to sleep but I felt it this morning. I was sore all over. I commented to my husband that I wanted to start working out and getting in better shape, eating better etc.. but I didn't recall wanting a crash course my first day of being active. Hell I thought I was going to be working at this gradually like start walking a mile and going up from there. Anyway my crash course was 6 games of volleyball.

I got dressed this morning in the equivalency of a monkey suit just to go pick up applications. So then after my running around, we picked up the kids. Skye pipes up and said let's play volleyball and I am like are you insane? I am wearing a skirt and sandals that were pinching my feet. No way was I playing volleyball in my "nice" clothes, not to mention I am dead tired. If it weren't for make up I would look like a Zombie. So before we left Helen was babysitting three kids a 4 yr old, 2 yr old and a 4 month old and come to find out the 4 year old was annoying my 7 and 8 year old. Which is highly funny to me because now they get to know what they do to me on a regular basis. They were not impressed. I got the are you kidding me look. I will cherish that forever because now they know how they make me feel some days.

Don't get me wrong my kids are my world but there are days where they drive me nuts and all I want to do is lock myself in my room and put my headphones in my ears and let them kill each other.

Oh well here's to a good weekend and the rest of my summer.

Wrong side of life (at least just for the day)

I have been in a piss ass attitude all day. I am not entirely sure why. It's possible that in my dreams I got angry about something and got up that way or maybe it was because I was angry when I went to bed. I have a bad habit of whining when I don't feel good or hurt and last night I felt like a 2 year old. And like a 2 year old I managed to snap at my husband who innocently enough asked if I was gonna read my book. (sorry didn't mean to be vexed with you). So when I woke up this morning I couldn't remember any of my dream which could have been a nightmare for all that it mattered. It seems lately that I am only allowed to remember my nightmares so figure that out.

I felt so terrible even my hair hurt. Every time I brushed my tangled mess it was like a thousand tiny screams were being rent through the air. I am pretty sure my hair has a mind of its own because less than ten mins later it was back to sporting a huge knot. I guess that is what I get for trying to tame it and having thick hair to begin with.( It's from my dad's side of the family.)

So to cheer my unhappy ass up I decided to try and blog and all that would pour forth from my brittle fingernail tips was depressing bullshit.. like stuff about Kevorkian and other equally controversial stuff. I was in no mood to fight with complete strangers on my views and perspective of things. So I said fuck it and decided to not blog at all.

All day today I felt that I needed to do something to get me out of this funk and still nothing happened. I guess I could have done laundry but that is just as depressing especially while you watch your 15 year old throw all her clothes out into the hallway making it look like her room threw up. Did I mention I hate fucking laundry?

Ok I hate all household chores and if I can have a wish I would wish that everything was done all the time. That way I wouldn't have to do anything but create awesome funny shit and play with my kids before they decide mom isn't fun to be around anymore. Sometimes I wish I could blink and things would just be perfect or maybe wriggle my nose like Sam from Bewitched and again things would be done.

Well as of 2 days now I have been writing again. I started a story back in high school and have decided to upgrade it from a short story to a novel (or at least something longer than a short story or novella) and flesh out my characters. Blogging has helped me continue to write. Someone told me once to just keep writing and eventually I will strike gold and have a masterpiece. The only bad part is the trial and error I have to do to get to perfection or as close to perfection as I can.

I figured out why I am suffering migraines. I blame the weather and lack of caffeine in my system. Basically I have decided to change my diet and instead of completely going cold turkey by taking pop/soda out of my daily calorie intake I have dropped it down to about 1-2 cans a day. I also drink tea but that doesn't count because it doesn't have carbonation. So anyway I have started making plans to monitor how much I eat and how much I make (because I can cook for an army, or I am Italian and its in my genes.).  There is a saying that if you don't like the weather just wait five mins and it will change. One week we have rain/snow/sleet/hail and then next week we have temperatures that make us think we should go to the lake. But we know better because that shit will be freezing and what kind of lake experience is that?

Well I am hoping that my funny  comes back because dammit I miss it. Maybe I should stop listening to Alt Rock? Nahhh because that shit is fantastic. So far my favorite songs so far are Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica featuring Brent the man has a sexy voice.  Hollywood Undead is my other favorite and pretty much anything they rap is amazing. It has also helped me to focus on my writing so no I can't stop listening to Alt Rock.

I thought about pulling a Peter Griffin by doing a segment of You know what Grinds my Gears? But decided against it. Some of them won't be long enough and I know that I couldn't keep up with it all the time so screw it. I might just do it once a week and see where it takes me.

And its about an hour after midnight here which means I can go to bed nightmare free. So off I go and here's to hoping that I end up in a better mood. I mean its the weekend.. its supposed to be fun.. Right?

Christian Brothers and Coke

Or as my husband says he was having a religious moment.

So he had an Eagles meeting and apparently they inducted a new member. And of all the people he was drinking with was his brother and a few other members. Now don't get me wrong he is free, white, living in America and over the age of 21. But this by no means makes him responsible especially when he is inebriated.

Ok so he comes home its later than when he usually gets home. He scarfs down dinner and takes off for bed. I had some personal business to do and then I ended up tripping on the shop vac.. that's a whole other story. So anyway I trip on it in the dark because It was his idea and cussed him out for not getting the damn thing put up.

I hollered for my stepdaughter to put dinner away and found she was in talking to her dad which infuriated me more because she was supposed to be in bed anyway.  I said "Oh I see how it is you will talk to her but you fucking bypass me." She scrambles to go put dinner away and all he could say was "Wow". In the mean time I am still grumbling about how I had things I needed to talk to him about and he is in bed, with a bucket next to the bed. In my mind all I know I am gonna hear IF he throws up is his noises when he does. It's almost as bad as his hacking up his lungs in the morning.. talk about rude awakening.

So I sat next to him on the bed telling him I would need his paystubs to reinstate our commodities and then outlined my day for tomorrow. So he couldn't come back and say I never told him. So then we got on the subject of texting and that he was drunk texting me and because Yahoo seems to be glitching I couldn't prove to him he was drunk texting until we looked at his cell. So I called him on it because earlier before he became buzzed he texted me that he paid a bill and told me in the text a certain amount and then after he became drunk and was talking to me about it was another amount. So I called him on it and he scrolled through the texts found the drunk text AND the text that told me the amount of what he put on the bill which he later amended should have been the higher amount. Either way it got paid which helped.

I was already in a bad mood because someone (probably that NOT ME kid) took off with my calculator and I don't know when that happened but it always occurs right before I need something. So low and behold I need my calculator and its missing. So I told my husband I needed a new one and he said I suppose it needs to be scientific I said yea and he said ok and I told him that it needed to be pink and have a function to graph and have a USB cable.. he said wait a min I didn't sign up for that.

Anyway so after we looked at the cell phone texts I proceeded to ask him how much he had to drink and he said that I wouldn't want to know which means he is either right at the legal drinking limit or slightly passed it. I wasn't letting this one go because he drove 13 miles home this way and COULD  have been pulled over for something stupid as a broken taillight (not that it was or anything but the cops around here are just that nitpicky). So I reminded him of that and yea he had me laughing but it was more out of incredulous shock than anything. I told him I don't condone this kind of behavior and tried to get him to see things from my perspective but telling that to him in the state of mind he was in is like talking to my 8 year old when he is engrossed in Phineas and Ferb. They may hear you but they aren't really listening.

So while he is telling me that he isn't drunk and I am not buying it I proceed to tell him of all the other times he came home that way and how he promised it wasn't gonna happen again. I also told him that if I could I would kick his and his brother's ass for letting him drive like that. I don't care if the cops let him drive home on the legal drinking limit (which is .08%) I didn't think that was setting a really good example, ESPECIALLY when he asked the kids if they thought he was drunk. Like really?? How the fuck would they know since we don't drink around them or get drunk around them? I was only drunk around them once and that was only because my sober husband was taking care of things. That was a huge mistake on my part and therefor I don't do it anymore. If I get drunk I make sure the kids are with someone else and then they won't see me drunk.. hungover yes but never drunk. I also made mention of going to the cops with a hypothetical question to see if had they pulled someone over and gave them a breathalizer to see how "buzzed" the person was would they send him on his way or detain him til morning when the alcohol wore off.

Anyway I kept telling him to go to bed.. good night and he was stalling. I figure its so that he can make me see that he isn't drunk when I know that if he was at the legal limit for being drunk that it is drunk.

He should never have driven home because 1. We couldn't afford to have him end up in a ditch somewhere 2. We couldn't afford for him to die and 3. We can't afford the ticket he would have gotten had he been pulled over.

And yes I know he is gonna comment to defend himself so I guess bring it. I still stand by what I mean about not condoning the driving home buzzed/drunk or texting while driving. I don't care that there wasn't another car with in 30 yards that shit could have serious consequences not just for him but for other drivers.

He still has a family to take care of. His brother doesn't. Let me also say that he pointed out his brother was on his motorcycle and more inebriated than he was which is another thing I don't condone and `OMFG SPIDER!!!!!!!! I don't condone driving drunk no matter if you have a family to go home to or not. I told my husband that I am not married to his brother I was married to him and my opinion still counts for as long as we are together and then after the fact if he has a relationship with the kids.

SO if you are gonna be mad because I blogged this to point out that drinking and driving is illegal no matter what drinking limit you are at then so be it because I stand behind what I said. It should never have happened and the next time you decide you are gonna drink then maybe you should make arrangements to stay in town. I will figure out how to get to town should I have to be there.

On the last note I am glad no one was hurt on your drive home and I am glad that no one pulled you over.

Sunday and Slade

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It was his idea

Our house is an energy drain so my husband decides to shut off the breakers to the back half of the house where things aren't working anyway. The outlet to where the deep freeze is plugged into is on that circuit.

So not knowing anything is wrong I go about my business and start planning dinner. I have my 13 yr. old get some bison burger from the freezer and he is being such a girl about it ew its all mushy.. I am like WTF? It shouldn't be mushy it came from the freezer! So low and behold I get out there and the freezer isn't humming away.. I check the breakers and start flipping random switches. Apparently the breaker I flipped was the one that also helps power the back half of the house so for about a week and a half (thank GOD for the bad weather and keeping things cool) my freezer has not been working. It was white noise anyway you don't really notice things until they aren't running because something just feels wrong. So the breaker I switched on powered the freezer for all of 2 mins and then died.. my freezer is now among the wasteland of broken or old appliances in my yard. 

(Yes that is snow)

I managed to save the meat, butter and cheese along with 3 bags of flour and several packages of egg noodles, some instant potatoes and great white northern beans.. 

Did I mention it looked like I was making bread in the bottom of my freezer as I am scooping this stuff out with a snow shovel? My husband said blood bread.. EWWWWW

Why I can't be funny

ok so there are sometimes when I am funny.. I make people laugh but more at me than with me..

So I am playing this game www.pplbucket.com and omg.. it is the funniest thing I have ever seen.. It gets funnier when you get to slingshot people across the screen.. Ok yea I have finally decided that I am weird.. It doesn't help when you have a 7, 6, 11 and 14 year old laughing their fool heads off..

Ok yea back to topic.. I am soo not funny.. and if people are laughing its because I said something that probably millions of people already have thought, said or did.. no originality what so ever..

My 6 year old is funnier than I am.. Always retelling things she did is soo much fun.. like the other day.. She goes to bed before the adults do so we know they are in bed sleeping.. so anyway I go to bed about 2 am. The next morning my 11 year old is bawling like a 2 year old.. WTF.So me not being a morning person gets out of bed to find out what the freakin deal is.. and low and behold.. my son's back pack is missing all the contents are on the floor and its 10 mins til the bus gets to the stop a quarter mile up our road.. Time Crunch much!? Anyway so he is bawling and I have to tell him to man up because crying isn't going to bring the back pack here.. My 6 yr. old can be heard in the background laughing maniacally and more evil thoughts are plotting around in her head.

I should add that they are older and more evil than before and my son is still a sensitive being.

p.s. I just found this entry as a draft.. weird because I thought I posted it 2 years ago.. but apparently I glitched or the system did.. Damn the Matrix anyway..