Wednesday, September 21, 2011

When I am depressed I think I would be better off as a Zombie.

I have been suffering for quite some time with a migraine.. It's going on 8 days now. I don't get relief from pills and nothing touches it. Sometimes being unconscious works and most times I wake up and its still there.

On the days when its mostly a raging inside my head I just want to cry and hide in a hole.

I think the reason for my migraines lately is depression. I have had a nasty bout this time around and I just think I would be better off a mindless being. At least being a Zombie I wouldn't have to worry about the pain, or emotions that come with living. Being a Zombie means no humanity left. I won't care who I eat and I won't have fear of looking down the barrel of a gun or a flame thrower. At least someone can put me out of my misery and not have to worry about having a guilty conscious for it.

For those of you reading.. this doesn't mean I am going to do something stupid. This is my way of dealing with things since I don't put much stock in counselors. I have friends and random strangers to vent to and hopefully someone can give me some rare and exceedingly good advice. But that is asking too much and I digress. I am here because I can't sleep and I have had a really bad revelation tonight about the dynamics at my husband's house vs. my house.

I am not thrilled with it and I am trying to learn how to deal with it. It's on my to do list. Right under Patience. I have to be patient and some days I would rather be a patient than patient, because at least then something is happening instead of hurrying up and waiting for something to happen or to do something.

I am a doer. I can't just sit around and wait for things to happen although I have had a bad case of having to do that lately. Sitting around causes depression for me. I see how things should be.. I see things that I want and most of them out of my reach. I need a certain item to do anything and I bet you all know what that is..

I want to be a zombie to forget everything. I want to eat the rich and not be the least bit phased by it. I want them to suffer the bite that we middle and lower classes have had to deal with. So if I can equate a Zombie bite to the way of life we live then I know that everyone will understand what I am talking about.

ok now I am rambling. But for the record I am not giving up because FUCK giving up. Giving up is for losers. I am going to keep plugging away at life because I have hope that in the end I will get what I want and be rewarded for good behavior. 


wagthedad said...

What's going on? Fuck giving up. What's going on?

This sounds not good. What kind of dynamics are we talking about?

Lilscorpiosweetie said...

I can't say here because a certain stalker I have. She seems to take everything out of context.

I can DM you on twitter if you want to chat.