These are a few of my favorite things...

Tis the season to be jolly.......

I am wrapping presents for my loved ones and didn't realize the time and effort it takes to put into it.

I started off by separating everything out. Making sure I got everyone on my list. Once I got it in piles the cats decided it was time to attack!

Between shooing them away and making sure everything was back in their piles did I start wrapping gifts. The dogs wanted out and then back in .. I have been up and down several times letting them in and out. I swear they are just as bad as kids are!

I have Christmas music going to keep me in the spirits and its only helped slightly. I have a bit of a migraine going and I think its from being hunched over.

Presents!!!

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care in hopes of St. Nick will soon be there......

Stockings

Merry Christmas Everyone!!! 

The 12 days of Christmas done a little differently.

Random strangeness..

I was at work last week listening to Christmas music on Pandora. I am allowed to jam while I work. So the 12 days of Christmas comes on and I got to thinking, WHY would your TRUE love need to give you all those things and where would you get them? Also.. translation for the modern world. If you can't take a joke well I guess you will have to deal.. because I need the humor right now and I might end up in hell for this.. one never knows..

1 day of Christmas my true love gave to me
a partridge in a pear tree.. could easily be a go go dancer or a cage dancer..
(since women are referred to as birds sometimes..like in this context hey check out that chick over there or how about that pigeon..you understand my meaning)

2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me
2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree .. you know to keep the lone go go dancer company. Also the turtle doves are lesbians (please don't shoot me)

3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me
3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. you know because we like our french maids and how they keep things clean.. (I know I am going to hell... )

4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. you know they are hotline ladies making a quick 5.99 a min. ( I can see the horror on your faces... )

5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree... All I can think of is Gollum is in hog heaven with 5 of those suckers.. (I know doesn't ring true with my current theme.. my bad....)

6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtles doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. I could only think of pregnant women.. and the Duggars. (That should get me flogged by the Mormon community)

7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (insert evil laugh here.. you are probably singing this in your head.. I have done my job.. hahahahaha.. so the seven would be the spawn of the six and someone had twins? because you know you can birth in a pool now..)

8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. I was gonna go with the new mother theme here but the calculations are off by 2. So maybe they hired a couple of nannies to wet nurse for them? (Stop it. You know I went there so don't get all frowny face with me.)

9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 gees a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in pear tree (still singing?) This could only mean we are back at the strip joint and those ladies are on poles since there are too many of them to be in cages or the cage with the lone dancer.

10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 gees a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.... Can we say MEN in TIGHTS?

11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
11 pipers piping, 10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. I always knew Cheech and Chong would have a place in this song... (who would have thought?)

12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree!! Ok so drumming would have to be the severe MIGRAINE that I got from imbibing with Cheech,  with all the strippers and lesbians and men in tights watching tv  the mothers and children on talk shows while at the strip joint and of course in all my hallucinogenic state the gollum with 5 "precious" gold rings. The calling ladies making those 900 numbers work and the French maids going around cleaning things up couldn't distract me from the lone go go dancer in the cage because she has neon on.

As for where to get these items.. well you know.. look around maybe go to an actual strip joint and we ALL know a stoner so the 11th day is covered. The tv always has women on there who are pregnant, about to give birth or already having the kids so that shouldn't be too hard to find.. And why is this reminiscent of a scavenger hunt? It just hit me that the 12 days of Christmas could be a fun scavenger hunt for adults and kids alike.. just don't mix up the list or it could end up with lots of explaining to do..
So while my true love is very thoughtful I can't help but think that maybe this was his christmas wish......

Down with the Sickness

Hey guys! Are you happy to see me posting again? Gonna give me gratuitous love on my comments because you missed me?

God, I have been sick for what seems like an eternity! I can't even breathe right! Either one side is stuffed and the other is runny and makes for breathing difficult. OMG I turned into a mouth breather which makes me feel like I had cotton mouth sooo bad. My lips got all chapped and everything. Not a very good feeling if you ask me.

So I was at work and this lady I work with was all ; This is Tina, she is sick so you don't want to go near her. She was training a new person. I was all I am not contagious. New girl looks over at me and says that's ok I still won't kiss you. As they were walking out I was all Damn you're breaking my heart and we all had a good laugh.

I work making compasses. Very easy work considering I get to sit and count needles and tape them to pieces of  cardboard. I get to listen to my music and forget the rest of what's going on. I just wish this sickness would leave me so that I can start cracking jokes again.. or singing. I sing at work. not sure it drives my coworkers nuts yet so I do it.

Gonna go blog over at my other site about some more serious stuff and my rage. Bye!!!!

Having a job sounds like a paycheck

So I have worked for 5 days at my new job. I am an assembler for Brunton Outdoor Group and I put compasses in packages to be put into more packages to be put in more packaging to be shipped off.

The job is a no brainer. I like it because its repetitive and not hard to learn. I like it because I get weekends off and I am home by 4. M -F. Then I get to do this for Halloween. Where my creativity runs rampant and would have been really picture heavy if I hadn't started feeling like crap again and lost my light source. I had a few other ideas in mind but I guess those will have to wait til tomorrow or next year.

Anyway I wanted to say hey and that I am still around.. just that nothing is funny at the moment because I am too damn exhausted to think straight and while that is always a good thing for my warped sense of humor I always manage to not write it down to remember it later or I go to sleep.

My body is screaming at me trying to figure out what the hell I am doing to it and my fingers doth protest too much.

Good night 

To Calm This Raging Beast

I am a grouch in the mornings, when I don't eat and during that time of the month. I don't deny I also get whiny and snarky too.

So today I had a pretty good morning.. migraine pain at an all time low than it has been. I went to town today to do some errands and get something to eat.

We go to the only restaurant in town that still allows smoking and usually the service is mediocre at best. I know all my Riverton readers know exactly where and I bet will commiserate with me when I say that some of the waitresses need to bring their A game. Anyway so we were seated, Cody was seriously nice and always is, tells us the special and told us our waitress would be with us momentarily.

Now usually that means within a couple minutes one of the waitresses assigned to that area will be right there.. Not today. We sat there for 5 mins which is longer than usual. We didn't have silverware, ashtray or drinks in front of us. Was half tempted to get up and leave when low and behold our waitress shows up.

By this point my sugar level was dangerously low and that migraine I had managed to keep at a low was starting to surge forward and make me into a raging bitch; I bit my tongue. We ordered our drinks and she didn't bring silverware to stir the coffee with or an ashtray.

We watched where she went which was a hidey hole up next to the cook station where another waitress was draped across the bar at the front of the restaurant talking to some old man flashing her cleavage. I began to bring the snark.

I think this "little"* waitress knew I was getting pissy because she finally shows up 10 mins later to ask us our order. Joe ordered a Centennial which is eggs, ham and holandaise sauce over hash browns. I ordered a Chicken Cordon Blue with shoestring fries (like the ones at McDonald's) and a side of cottage cheese. So I know that it takes time to get the food ready. No problem but Joe needed a refill on his coffee because when she came to fill our order she brought the ashtray but NOT silverware which we asked another waitress to get. So she was gone again.

(*meaning high school or just graduated high school waitress)

Finally our food gets there, Joe orders a Large glass of milk and wants a refill of his coffee. I am just fine now that the food is here. Not even a 1/3 into our food and he still doesn't have his milk.. he contemplates going up and having words with her. When I spot her she has a small PINK glass of milk for him and manages to at the last second grab the coffee carafe to fill his coffee. She said and I quote: "I forgot what size milk you wanted and almost forgot your coffee. Those girls are distracting." trying to play it off that it was someone else's fault.

All I could do was keep my eyes averted lest  I drill or burn holes into her because the service she provided was seriously shitty.

We finish and had been talking back an forth, I was being snarky. I guess it didn't go away once I ate like I thought. She brings the tab. Joe looks at it and she didn't charge for a large milk. Aww ain't she sweet I managed to sugar coat the sarcasm.

We leave the table and go pay for our meals. The routine question was Did we find everything to our liking and how was everything. We said the service sucked and explained what happened. We got a discount and we tipped the cooks. Because the food was excellent. She didn't get a tip.

Kinda sucks huh sweetheart when all you would rather do is hide and giggle with the other waitresses WHO have jobs to do.

In the end I got ice cream which is a surefire way to calm the raging beast within.

P.S. if I were a critic of restaurants that place would have gotten a D. The only good things about it were the Host, The cashier and the cooks. 

Pillsbury Dough in Porn

So this is short and sweet.

I was sitting in Taco Bell with my mom and kids. I was telling my mom about the Pillsbury Cinnamon rolls and how yummy they were. But instead I said Play Doh cinnamon rolls and we both just stopped chewing and I was shaking in silent laughter because I couldn't believe I had just said that and then I went and tried correcting myself (which I should never do because it makes it worse) I came out with Playboy cinnamon rolls and that was the icing on the cinnamon roll because we both couldn't stop laughing. We decided to end it there lest it become something even worse which at this point I wouldn't even begin to wonder what my brain would have spouted forth as an idea.

And this is why I should be allowed to sleep in however late I want. I blame this fiasco on the lack of sleep caused by migraines.

The sweet sticky goodness of Pillsbury Cinnamon rolls. 

MA or Migraines Anonymous

ok maybe not anonymous but I couldn't think of anything catchy that didn't make my head pound even more.

So I decided I would start a support group for migraine sufferers.. if only on paper. See when I am under the influence of a Migraine (wouldn't that be a good title? MUI?)  I tend to forget things and things get fuzzy. Like today, and I don't forgive this Monday of being a holiday because it was a Monday, I managed to lock my keys in my car.

I had plans to pack my car full of my boyfriends things and move them to my house and put gas in my car and go to Wal-Mart my home away from home. All before my boyfriend had to go to work.

Joe says "Umm Babe we have an issue. Your car is locked and are the keys in it?" I am like yeah I leave my keys in the car. Well hell what a wonderful way to start the day. So we spent the next 20 mins trying to shove a hanger into the door to unlock the car. We decided we weren't patient enough since we had things to do and we left. We packed more things and I called R.C. Lock which I then found out they didn't have anyone to send out to my house and because I wasn't "local" meaning in town or within a block radius from their shop I wouldn't be serviced. WTF?

So I called another place to find out what it would cost to have someone come out and key my car so I could get in it. 80.00 freakin dollars!!! I must have made a noise because the guy on the other end said it was either the 80.00 or break a window.. How is that saving me money?? Not only would I be out 80.00 but I would also be out a window and then the money to fix said window.. Talk about a lose lose situation. I said I would get back to him. Luckily I knew someone who fixed it for me in less than 5 mins. Why is it that I have no patience for stuff like that but have infinite patience with needle point or cross stitching?

So on the one hand I am ever so grateful for not having to spend 80.00, and only happened to be a small annoyance to deal with other than it being Monday. On the other hand I still don't have relief from this migraine. Does that make them idle? Aren't idle hands the devil's playground?

I didn't make it to Wal-Mart to get sour cream, hair dye and Dawn dish soap. I guess there is always Wednesday or Thursday to get that stuff.

P.S. I did manage to get two more keys made for my car which makes this day productive other than the moving part. Now if I only don't lock myself out again.

P.S.S. I also forgot to mention that my phone provider went out today and not entirely sure how long they were down without power.