Christian Brothers and Coke

Or as my husband says he was having a religious moment.

So he had an Eagles meeting and apparently they inducted a new member. And of all the people he was drinking with was his brother and a few other members. Now don't get me wrong he is free, white, living in America and over the age of 21. But this by no means makes him responsible especially when he is inebriated.

Ok so he comes home its later than when he usually gets home. He scarfs down dinner and takes off for bed. I had some personal business to do and then I ended up tripping on the shop vac.. that's a whole other story. So anyway I trip on it in the dark because It was his idea and cussed him out for not getting the damn thing put up.

I hollered for my stepdaughter to put dinner away and found she was in talking to her dad which infuriated me more because she was supposed to be in bed anyway.  I said "Oh I see how it is you will talk to her but you fucking bypass me." She scrambles to go put dinner away and all he could say was "Wow". In the mean time I am still grumbling about how I had things I needed to talk to him about and he is in bed, with a bucket next to the bed. In my mind all I know I am gonna hear IF he throws up is his noises when he does. It's almost as bad as his hacking up his lungs in the morning.. talk about rude awakening.

So I sat next to him on the bed telling him I would need his paystubs to reinstate our commodities and then outlined my day for tomorrow. So he couldn't come back and say I never told him. So then we got on the subject of texting and that he was drunk texting me and because Yahoo seems to be glitching I couldn't prove to him he was drunk texting until we looked at his cell. So I called him on it because earlier before he became buzzed he texted me that he paid a bill and told me in the text a certain amount and then after he became drunk and was talking to me about it was another amount. So I called him on it and he scrolled through the texts found the drunk text AND the text that told me the amount of what he put on the bill which he later amended should have been the higher amount. Either way it got paid which helped.

I was already in a bad mood because someone (probably that NOT ME kid) took off with my calculator and I don't know when that happened but it always occurs right before I need something. So low and behold I need my calculator and its missing. So I told my husband I needed a new one and he said I suppose it needs to be scientific I said yea and he said ok and I told him that it needed to be pink and have a function to graph and have a USB cable.. he said wait a min I didn't sign up for that.

Anyway so after we looked at the cell phone texts I proceeded to ask him how much he had to drink and he said that I wouldn't want to know which means he is either right at the legal drinking limit or slightly passed it. I wasn't letting this one go because he drove 13 miles home this way and COULD  have been pulled over for something stupid as a broken taillight (not that it was or anything but the cops around here are just that nitpicky). So I reminded him of that and yea he had me laughing but it was more out of incredulous shock than anything. I told him I don't condone this kind of behavior and tried to get him to see things from my perspective but telling that to him in the state of mind he was in is like talking to my 8 year old when he is engrossed in Phineas and Ferb. They may hear you but they aren't really listening.

So while he is telling me that he isn't drunk and I am not buying it I proceed to tell him of all the other times he came home that way and how he promised it wasn't gonna happen again. I also told him that if I could I would kick his and his brother's ass for letting him drive like that. I don't care if the cops let him drive home on the legal drinking limit (which is .08%) I didn't think that was setting a really good example, ESPECIALLY when he asked the kids if they thought he was drunk. Like really?? How the fuck would they know since we don't drink around them or get drunk around them? I was only drunk around them once and that was only because my sober husband was taking care of things. That was a huge mistake on my part and therefor I don't do it anymore. If I get drunk I make sure the kids are with someone else and then they won't see me drunk.. hungover yes but never drunk. I also made mention of going to the cops with a hypothetical question to see if had they pulled someone over and gave them a breathalizer to see how "buzzed" the person was would they send him on his way or detain him til morning when the alcohol wore off.

Anyway I kept telling him to go to bed.. good night and he was stalling. I figure its so that he can make me see that he isn't drunk when I know that if he was at the legal limit for being drunk that it is drunk.

He should never have driven home because 1. We couldn't afford to have him end up in a ditch somewhere 2. We couldn't afford for him to die and 3. We can't afford the ticket he would have gotten had he been pulled over.

And yes I know he is gonna comment to defend himself so I guess bring it. I still stand by what I mean about not condoning the driving home buzzed/drunk or texting while driving. I don't care that there wasn't another car with in 30 yards that shit could have serious consequences not just for him but for other drivers.

He still has a family to take care of. His brother doesn't. Let me also say that he pointed out his brother was on his motorcycle and more inebriated than he was which is another thing I don't condone and `OMFG SPIDER!!!!!!!! I don't condone driving drunk no matter if you have a family to go home to or not. I told my husband that I am not married to his brother I was married to him and my opinion still counts for as long as we are together and then after the fact if he has a relationship with the kids.

SO if you are gonna be mad because I blogged this to point out that drinking and driving is illegal no matter what drinking limit you are at then so be it because I stand behind what I said. It should never have happened and the next time you decide you are gonna drink then maybe you should make arrangements to stay in town. I will figure out how to get to town should I have to be there.

On the last note I am glad no one was hurt on your drive home and I am glad that no one pulled you over.

Sunday and Slade

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It was his idea

Our house is an energy drain so my husband decides to shut off the breakers to the back half of the house where things aren't working anyway. The outlet to where the deep freeze is plugged into is on that circuit.

So not knowing anything is wrong I go about my business and start planning dinner. I have my 13 yr. old get some bison burger from the freezer and he is being such a girl about it ew its all mushy.. I am like WTF? It shouldn't be mushy it came from the freezer! So low and behold I get out there and the freezer isn't humming away.. I check the breakers and start flipping random switches. Apparently the breaker I flipped was the one that also helps power the back half of the house so for about a week and a half (thank GOD for the bad weather and keeping things cool) my freezer has not been working. It was white noise anyway you don't really notice things until they aren't running because something just feels wrong. So the breaker I switched on powered the freezer for all of 2 mins and then died.. my freezer is now among the wasteland of broken or old appliances in my yard. 

(Yes that is snow)

I managed to save the meat, butter and cheese along with 3 bags of flour and several packages of egg noodles, some instant potatoes and great white northern beans.. 

Did I mention it looked like I was making bread in the bottom of my freezer as I am scooping this stuff out with a snow shovel? My husband said blood bread.. EWWWWW

Why I can't be funny

ok so there are sometimes when I am funny.. I make people laugh but more at me than with me..

So I am playing this game www.pplbucket.com and omg.. it is the funniest thing I have ever seen.. It gets funnier when you get to slingshot people across the screen.. Ok yea I have finally decided that I am weird.. It doesn't help when you have a 7, 6, 11 and 14 year old laughing their fool heads off..

Ok yea back to topic.. I am soo not funny.. and if people are laughing its because I said something that probably millions of people already have thought, said or did.. no originality what so ever..

My 6 year old is funnier than I am.. Always retelling things she did is soo much fun.. like the other day.. She goes to bed before the adults do so we know they are in bed sleeping.. so anyway I go to bed about 2 am. The next morning my 11 year old is bawling like a 2 year old.. WTF.So me not being a morning person gets out of bed to find out what the freakin deal is.. and low and behold.. my son's back pack is missing all the contents are on the floor and its 10 mins til the bus gets to the stop a quarter mile up our road.. Time Crunch much!? Anyway so he is bawling and I have to tell him to man up because crying isn't going to bring the back pack here.. My 6 yr. old can be heard in the background laughing maniacally and more evil thoughts are plotting around in her head.

I should add that they are older and more evil than before and my son is still a sensitive being.

p.s. I just found this entry as a draft.. weird because I thought I posted it 2 years ago.. but apparently I glitched or the system did.. Damn the Matrix anyway..

E.R Visit and the rest of my day..

We had to go to the E.R. because my youngest child couldn't breathe. So we were sitting there watching the Lifetime Channel some show about how this woman killed her baby or whatever and this lady comes in with a 5-6 year old boy. I guess he was there to get stitches. So they were sitting there calmly and this other lady comes in. I guess she must have been the first woman's mother bringing with her the little sister of the boy. So "mom" springs for the bites of twizzler's and gives them to the boy with apparently no thought for the other child. So then this little girl who appeared to be about 2-3 starts wailing at the top of her lungs..We weren't the only ones that were in that E.R. as usual it was full not a seat anywhere. So this woman and her mother were conversing while this child was screaming at the top of her lungs and not even a hush was mentioned. 

So I know I wasn't the only patron that wanted that kid to shut up and I almost got up and told the woman to shut her up but then we got called back to see the Dr. We went through the diatribe of did she try something new, did she eat something she wasn't supposed to blah blah blah.. ok she is 7.. not 2.. where they stick almost anything in their mouths. My daughter is very picky about what she puts in her mouth now after having multiple disgusting encounters that she probably mentally shudders at. So the doc decided to suggest an EKG and I said no. It's not her heart and I had a sudden flash of insight that what she was suffering from was a panic attack.. WTG she is just like me.. Sarcasm and all. 

so here is my letter to waiting room lady. 

Dear Waiting room Mom,

Please shut your kid up. Most of us were too polite to tell you to go outside with the child let alone to tell her to be quiet. We are in a public place and you should have known better. I think that if we had to do it over again I would have told you that I was there suffering a migraine for which I was going to be treated for and your kid was not helping matters. 

Sincerely, 

 ME

So then the rest of my day commenced after we left the hospital. We are driving down Main Street when my 13 year old son spots a limo and says "Is that the Dead Car?" Knowing exactly what he was talking about I said no that is not a horse.. I realized in that split second what I said and knowing that it struck me funny and I about died laughing I was incapacitated to correct him. A few mins later I texted my husband to tell him about what had just happened here is the result of that:

ME: Does that mean it's for Zombies or is it a hearse which I called a horse (this was shortly after I told him that my 13 yr old was killing us - my mom and the other kids)

HIM: Rich people on crack same as zombies

Now mind you it doesn't have to be rich people but with the limo and this being a podunk town rich is being able to afford a limo even for a day.. 

The rest of the night ended in a blur of laughter in a cake fog and coffee haze. 

Roast Beast (Beef) and Weird conversation..

I am sitting here dumbfounded.. apparently my husband is being the typical male.. This is our entire conversation:


Me: I didn't get my offlines
Him: I said good morning 2 the one that loves her boyfriend and kinda loves her husband.
Me: were you at my boyfriends?
Him: Yes i was.
Me: oh
Him: Hates me now?
Me: no
Him: Did you feel me kiss you this morning and tell you love ya?
Me: no
Him: So talking to my best friend at all?
Me: he is eating lunch
Him: Ah okay
Me: what did you have?

Him: I had a lame ass borito from loaf and jug.
Me: more than I had.. I am craving french dips
Him: Sounds yummy to me as well
Me: you wanna go get roast beast from Walmart and some aujus and buns? provided you get an advance? that will be supper?
Him: Yes mistress lol. Annything else i can do for you dear?
Me: pop?
Him: Okey dear. Btw. I am comando.
Me: lol
Him: No shorts no sweats just bare skin and blue jeanes
Me: good.. how does it feel
Him: It is nice. Been trying not to sport a woody.
Me: see... I knew you would
Me: you will probably want to get 4lbs of shaved roast beast
Him: Ok.
Me: can you get cheese? either provolone or swiss please?
Him: So like one brest lol
Me: what?
Him: You said roast beast. I had a dirty thaught one brest.
Me: kkkkaaayyy
Him: Never mind mine is in the gutter and you are thinking g rated.
Me: how did we go from cheese to breasts
Him: Beast duh
Me: ok so we were gonna put cheese on the beast how does breast come in and for that matter roast beast and breasts are two diff parts of the body
Him: Never mind ok

So yea I know his spelling is atrocious.. but you get the gist of what he is saying I think.. I am still dumdfounded

Funny is in the Ear of the Beholder

I follow some very funny people on Twitter and last night stumbled upon someone that is equally funny to The Bloggess. 

So I had been going through some of the posts from this blogger and laughed at almost every single post, I had that feeling that most of what was there had happened in my own life I am just not on the ball about blogging it as it happens but as it happens this is still fresh in my mind.. 

So I am reading this post on Oh, Noa and particularly #3 stands out.. I don't have the slightest idea why this struck me absolutely funny.. maybe it had something to do with my almost 13 year old son.. I read it out loud and everyone was laughing then my almost 13 yr. old son says Wait.. I don't get it.. so I repeated it and laughed harder when he informs us all in a petulant fashion that he does not in fact have a squishy head.. 

So finally I am tearing myself away from the computer dying all the way to my room.. my husband and I were still laughing our fool heads off and something got said along the lines of chicks with dicks and the line to that song (yea you know which one) Thanks Tone Loc.. Sheila was a man I never thought I would stop laughing.. I wake up this morning only to find the cover of FOX on my side of the bed and on the inside cover was ... yep you guessed it an ad for Chicks with Dicks.. Funky Cold Medina... 

I still have no idea how that cover got on my side of the bed.. my husband swears he didn't put it there and I know that I didn't sleep walk because I was dead..