Roast Beast (Beef) and Weird conversation..

I am sitting here dumbfounded.. apparently my husband is being the typical male.. This is our entire conversation:


Me: I didn't get my offlines
Him: I said good morning 2 the one that loves her boyfriend and kinda loves her husband.
Me: were you at my boyfriends?
Him: Yes i was.
Me: oh
Him: Hates me now?
Me: no
Him: Did you feel me kiss you this morning and tell you love ya?
Me: no
Him: So talking to my best friend at all?
Me: he is eating lunch
Him: Ah okay
Me: what did you have?

Him: I had a lame ass borito from loaf and jug.
Me: more than I had.. I am craving french dips
Him: Sounds yummy to me as well
Me: you wanna go get roast beast from Walmart and some aujus and buns? provided you get an advance? that will be supper?
Him: Yes mistress lol. Annything else i can do for you dear?
Me: pop?
Him: Okey dear. Btw. I am comando.
Me: lol
Him: No shorts no sweats just bare skin and blue jeanes
Me: good.. how does it feel
Him: It is nice. Been trying not to sport a woody.
Me: see... I knew you would
Me: you will probably want to get 4lbs of shaved roast beast
Him: Ok.
Me: can you get cheese? either provolone or swiss please?
Him: So like one brest lol
Me: what?
Him: You said roast beast. I had a dirty thaught one brest.
Me: kkkkaaayyy
Him: Never mind mine is in the gutter and you are thinking g rated.
Me: how did we go from cheese to breasts
Him: Beast duh
Me: ok so we were gonna put cheese on the beast how does breast come in and for that matter roast beast and breasts are two diff parts of the body
Him: Never mind ok

So yea I know his spelling is atrocious.. but you get the gist of what he is saying I think.. I am still dumdfounded