I have been suffering for quite some time with a migraine.. It's going on 8 days now. I don't get relief from pills and nothing touches it. Sometimes being unconscious works and most times I wake up and its still there.
On the days when its mostly a raging inside my head I just want to cry and hide in a hole.
I think the reason for my migraines lately is depression. I have had a nasty bout this time around and I just think I would be better off a mindless being. At least being a Zombie I wouldn't have to worry about the pain, or emotions that come with living. Being a Zombie means no humanity left. I won't care who I eat and I won't have fear of looking down the barrel of a gun or a flame thrower. At least someone can put me out of my misery and not have to worry about having a guilty conscious for it.
For those of you reading.. this doesn't mean I am going to do something stupid. This is my way of dealing with things since I don't put much stock in counselors. I have friends and random strangers to vent to and hopefully someone can give me some rare and exceedingly good advice. But that is asking too much and I digress. I am here because I can't sleep and I have had a really bad revelation tonight about the dynamics at my husband's house vs. my house.
I am not thrilled with it and I am trying to learn how to deal with it. It's on my to do list. Right under Patience. I have to be patient and some days I would rather be a patient than patient, because at least then something is happening instead of hurrying up and waiting for something to happen or to do something.
I am a doer. I can't just sit around and wait for things to happen although I have had a bad case of having to do that lately. Sitting around causes depression for me. I see how things should be.. I see things that I want and most of them out of my reach. I need a certain item to do anything and I bet you all know what that is..
I want to be a zombie to forget everything. I want to eat the rich and not be the least bit phased by it. I want them to suffer the bite that we middle and lower classes have had to deal with. So if I can equate a Zombie bite to the way of life we live then I know that everyone will understand what I am talking about.
ok now I am rambling. But for the record I am not giving up because FUCK giving up. Giving up is for losers. I am going to keep plugging away at life because I have hope that in the end I will get what I want and be rewarded for good behavior.
On the days when its mostly a raging inside my head I just want to cry and hide in a hole.
I think the reason for my migraines lately is depression. I have had a nasty bout this time around and I just think I would be better off a mindless being. At least being a Zombie I wouldn't have to worry about the pain, or emotions that come with living. Being a Zombie means no humanity left. I won't care who I eat and I won't have fear of looking down the barrel of a gun or a flame thrower. At least someone can put me out of my misery and not have to worry about having a guilty conscious for it.
For those of you reading.. this doesn't mean I am going to do something stupid. This is my way of dealing with things since I don't put much stock in counselors. I have friends and random strangers to vent to and hopefully someone can give me some rare and exceedingly good advice. But that is asking too much and I digress. I am here because I can't sleep and I have had a really bad revelation tonight about the dynamics at my husband's house vs. my house.
I am not thrilled with it and I am trying to learn how to deal with it. It's on my to do list. Right under Patience. I have to be patient and some days I would rather be a patient than patient, because at least then something is happening instead of hurrying up and waiting for something to happen or to do something.
I am a doer. I can't just sit around and wait for things to happen although I have had a bad case of having to do that lately. Sitting around causes depression for me. I see how things should be.. I see things that I want and most of them out of my reach. I need a certain item to do anything and I bet you all know what that is..
I want to be a zombie to forget everything. I want to eat the rich and not be the least bit phased by it. I want them to suffer the bite that we middle and lower classes have had to deal with. So if I can equate a Zombie bite to the way of life we live then I know that everyone will understand what I am talking about.
ok now I am rambling. But for the record I am not giving up because FUCK giving up. Giving up is for losers. I am going to keep plugging away at life because I have hope that in the end I will get what I want and be rewarded for good behavior.
2 comments:
What's going on? Fuck giving up. What's going on?
This sounds not good. What kind of dynamics are we talking about?
I can't say here because a certain stalker I have. She seems to take everything out of context.
I can DM you on twitter if you want to chat.
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