Random strangeness..
I was at work last week listening to Christmas music on Pandora. I am allowed to jam while I work. So the 12 days of Christmas comes on and I got to thinking, WHY would your TRUE love need to give you all those things and where would you get them? Also.. translation for the modern world. If you can't take a joke well I guess you will have to deal.. because I need the humor right now and I might end up in hell for this.. one never knows..
1 day of Christmas my true love gave to me
a partridge in a pear tree.. could easily be a go go dancer or a cage dancer..
(since women are referred to as birds sometimes..like in this context hey check out that chick over there or how about that pigeon..you understand my meaning)
2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me
2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree .. you know to keep the lone go go dancer company. Also the turtle doves are lesbians (please don't shoot me)
3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me
3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. you know because we like our french maids and how they keep things clean.. (I know I am going to hell... )
4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. you know they are hotline ladies making a quick 5.99 a min. ( I can see the horror on your faces... )
5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree... All I can think of is Gollum is in hog heaven with 5 of those suckers.. (I know doesn't ring true with my current theme.. my bad....)
6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtles doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. I could only think of pregnant women.. and the Duggars. (That should get me flogged by the Mormon community)
7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (insert evil laugh here.. you are probably singing this in your head.. I have done my job.. hahahahaha.. so the seven would be the spawn of the six and someone had twins? because you know you can birth in a pool now..)
8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. I was gonna go with the new mother theme here but the calculations are off by 2. So maybe they hired a couple of nannies to wet nurse for them? (Stop it. You know I went there so don't get all frowny face with me.)
9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 gees a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in pear tree (still singing?) This could only mean we are back at the strip joint and those ladies are on poles since there are too many of them to be in cages or the cage with the lone dancer.
10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 gees a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.... Can we say MEN in TIGHTS?
11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
11 pipers piping, 10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.. I always knew Cheech and Chong would have a place in this song... (who would have thought?)
12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me
12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree!! Ok so drumming would have to be the severe MIGRAINE that I got from imbibing with Cheech, with all the strippers and lesbians and men in tights watching tv the mothers and children on talk shows while at the strip joint and of course in all my hallucinogenic state the gollum with 5 "precious" gold rings. The calling ladies making those 900 numbers work and the French maids going around cleaning things up couldn't distract me from the lone go go dancer in the cage because she has neon on.
As for where to get these items.. well you know.. look around maybe go to an actual strip joint and we ALL know a stoner so the 11th day is covered. The tv always has women on there who are pregnant, about to give birth or already having the kids so that shouldn't be too hard to find.. And why is this reminiscent of a scavenger hunt? It just hit me that the 12 days of Christmas could be a fun scavenger hunt for adults and kids alike.. just don't mix up the list or it could end up with lots of explaining to do..
So while my true love is very thoughtful I can't help but think that maybe this was his christmas wish......
